The Wonderful Wizard of....

So last night was the Harry Potter premiere at the Ziegfeld Theater here in New York. Due to the fact that I have the greatest friends in the world, I was able to attend!

Please pay attention to what Row I'm in. KKK! Eek!! So here's the sitch: One of my bestest, More-O, works for Warner Brothers. He works in their publicity and marketing department and as such, he has some really cool perks to his job. For instance, when "The Hangover" came out, it was his job to hang with Bradley Cooper for three days and take him to press events and interviews and screenings and such. For "Harry Potter," it was his job (HIS JOB) to hang out with Tom Felton, who plays Draco Malfoy in the movies. Envious, sure, but then I learned he had to be in Jersey at 7 am with him and my envy subsided a stitch.

I got to the Ziegfeld around 6:30 pm, and it was a MAD HOUSE. While the main stars were doing a little of this:

I was on the other side of the carpet doing this:

Yeah, I'm definitely not cool enough to walk to red carpet. They'd be all "Hey, who are you? What are you wearing?" And I'd be all "BriTunes! And I'm wearing the Gap!" One day, my friends, one day.

Someone who WAS on the carpet, however, was.....

...Dan Radcliffe, sure. I know that's who you're thinking. But you know who I see?

THAT GUY!!!! More-O. On the red carpet. Right behind my boyfriend. Amazing.


The movie itself was the shit. Totally awesome. A stitch long, but aren't all of the Harry Potter movies a stitch long? My one major complaint was the end. If you know the books, the end result is still the same but the way they get there is drastically different. As someone who likes big shiny action sequences, I was significantly disappointed. Still, if you're a fan, you're going to LURVE this movie. Very well done.

Yasi's birthday was yesterday and my original intent was to skip the after party and head down to her shin dig. Justin and Diego convinced me to stop by for a bit and 2 am later, I had missed Yasi's thing. Mega sad face. I'll make it up to you soon Yas, promise. The after party, however? Was the shiiiiiiiiiiiit.

First of all, it was taking place at the Museum of Natural History. They informed us that transportation was going to be provided - I thought it would be vans or cars or something. OH NO. It was one of these big boys:

A bonafide New York City tour bus. Us New Yorkers actually make fun of people who ride these but I have to say.....it was the coolest thing ever. As I'm walking on to the bus, who I do in front of me but....

Oh! Hellooooo cast of Title of Show! It was great to see Susan and Hunter again, we chatted a titch, and then enjoyed the ride uptown. Sitting right in front of me on the bus?


BOOM. Broadway hottie Spencer Liff. Spencer was in Cry-Baby, Eqqus with Dan Radcliffe, and is currently in 9 to 5. HOT. TIE. With abs that don't quit. Spencer, please excuse the drool that I may or may not have dropped on your suit while oogling.

As we headed into the party, my mouth was just agape. I mean, Warner Brothers went ALL OUT for this shin dig. Full buffet with fancy schmancy food, FULL open bar with fancy schmancey cocktails (who knew you could put dry ice into cocktails?!) and other fancy schmancy stuff. They had this really cool Photo Booth where you could put on Harry Potter attire and take pictures.

(Can you tell that I'm TOTALLY smiling with my eyes?)


(The best friends at Hogwarts shot)


(We were supposed to be flying on the broomsticks but it looks a little dirtier. I blame the fancy schmancy cocktails).


(Group shot. LOVING Justin's face)


It was at the photo booth that I saw the guy from "Willow" and his equally short family (who knew that midgets had midgets! "Little People, Big World", you have steered me wrong) and my homegirl Michelle Trachtenberg.


I kiiiiiiinda sorta love Michelle so I couldn't help myself from saying hi and professing my love for her in "Buffy" and "Gossip Girl." She's no Kristen Bell, but warranted a mini geek out.

My boyfriend

was behind me multiple times throughout the evening (hee hee) but I didn't say anything to him. I mean really, what am I going to say? "Hi um....yeah....I think you were really good in the movie....and you're hot....and um...you're good...and um....I love you and um...." Exactly. Ron Weasley was around all night as well, and at 1:30 in the morning was still going strong. That boy is headed on a road to rehab, I can just tell. Something in my bones says "rehab" whenever I look at him. Another very cool celeb sighting?



Marcia Gay Harden. She's always kind of bugged me, but after seeing her and the way she interacted with her kids and people at the party, she's made her way onto my "like" list.

In addition to the fancy schmancy food and cocktails, photo booth, and celebs, there was also some very cool stuff and also some dangerous temptations. Mainly?

The CANDY BAR. People. PEOPLE. You don't even know. They had POUNDS of Sour Patch Kids, Sour Worms, Skittles, Jelly Bellys, Gummi Bears.....I mean....my CRACK essentially. And for someone who isn't supposed to be eating candy at the moment, you can understand my dismay when I saw free candy. However....diet be damned. Ain't no way in hell I'm going to pass up free candy.

Also in attendance was a very colorful dance floor:


which no one was really dancing on, but looked so fun! The boys and I saw this as an awesome photo opportunity, pictures will surface later.

Life is about discovery, and once we discovered glow sticks, a couch, and fun lighting, we couldn't pass up this photo op.

Although now upon closer inspection, it looks like fire is coming out of my butt. Hm. It is a Harry Potter party. Anythings possible.

One last amazing gift at the after party? This delicious morsel.

Freddie Roma. He plays Hermione's boyfriend in the movie but at the after party he played the part of my boyfriend. In my mind, at least. Freddie, thank you for existing. And Page Six, thank you for letting me steal your picture. Done and done.

After many more fancy schmancy drinks, gummi worms, and the acquiring of a cater waiter's number (hey, they can't all be doctors and lawyers) I knew it was time to drag my sorry ass home. I know that I may have geeked out a bit over the party, or the celebrities or whatever, but I really don't want to become one of those jaded New Yorkers who are "too cool for school." I'm sorry, but a Movie premiere is really exciting and I'm always going to think that. Open bar? Always going to be cool. Free candy? How can you NOT geek out over that?! All in all, it was a magical night and I've got the giant to-go container of Gummi Worms to prove it.

Dude - Where's My Wand?

Why hello there Daniel Radcliffe.

How you doin'? What's that? You want me to come to your new movie's premiere tonight? Well hmm...I guess I could swing that. I'll have to cancel a date, and another movie premiere but I'll do it all for you. Wait - Danny - what premiere am I going to again? Oh that's right:

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE. Is goin' be ril good. If Dan needs somewhere to sit I think my lap will be available. Meow!

Here the kids are on the cover of Entertainment Weekly:

WHEN did they grow up?! I mean, my lord! They're giant! It's hard to believe that when the movies started they looked like this:



Geez, it's like completely different people. Crazy and yet, I haven't aged a day.

Nor have I aged a day since this picture was taken:


Yes people, that is me as Harry Potter in Harry Podder: Dude Where's My Wand? The year was 2005, and I was working at a dinner theater. Ah....my theater degree put to good use. That experience was actually amazing though. I worked with some of the funniest people I've ever met and also some of the most conceited, bull-headed, and power hungry assholes I've ever met. Harry Podder was a painfully unfunny show but always has a fond place in my heart due to the people that I worked with. I really miss that place sometimes, but when I look at how long some people have worked there....I would literally kill myself if I was there as long as they have been. Still....fond memories.

Anyone watch So You Think You Can Dance last night?

Kupono and Kayla....ugh. KILLED ME. Combined with that Sara Barrielles song and.....I die. If you didn't watch it you don't know what I'm talking about, but those that did will absolutely agree with me - it was pretty moving and powerful. Speaking of powerful.....

Who is watching "Nurse Jackie," on Showtime? This show is AWESOME. Every episode is poignant and funny and heartbreaking all at the same time. I highly recommend it. Just don't watch it right before you go to bed because you'll be all sad and shit and stay up way past your bedtime thinking about things and then you won't get to sleep and you'll wake up late the next day and be really cranky and have to wear your glasses to work but you'll bring your contacts with you but it'll really annoy you because your contact container will open in your bag and get contact solution everywhere. Not that that's happened to me, I'm just saying. It could if you start watching Nurse Jackie.

By the way, Jude Law?


That shirt done be lookin' RIL gay!

And with that, I shall leave you. I have to go pick up my invisibility cloak from the dry cleaners.

Just 'Cuz, Part 2

Joel McHale, outside of the Ed Sullivan theater today....Just 'Cuz.

Just 'Cuz

My homegirl Alanis was on The Tonight Show on Monday to promote her multi-episode stint on "Weeds." And might I just say, she looked AMAZING. So now please to enjoy Alanis Morissette: Just 'Cuz.

You better work, bitch!

Totes Jelly.

I feel like jealousy is a natural thing. It's a human emotion that is very difficult to contain but also one that is best kept under wraps. However, some things in life just. Aren't. Fair. For instance, I'm in between pant lengths - not a 32 and not a 34. Do they make 33 pant lengths? No. Exactly. NOTFAIR. My little brother is getting married and I can't even get a date. I know! NOTFAIR. I've also decided that there are a few female celebrities whose lifes are just so amazing it's NOTFAIR. Upon first glance it may appear like I'm just jealous of the men that they're sleeping with but....aw, who the hell am I kidding?

NOTFAIR

5. ScarJo

First of all, to all of my straight readers out there: You're welcome. Now then. I happen to think that Scarlett Johansson is a horrible person. I mean, she's essentially a man. She stole Alanis' fiance and left her heartbroken. But you have to admit, there's totally something just NOTFAIR about ScarJo. She gives good hair, she's got great boobs and lips, and she gets to go home and ride this every night:

NOTFAIR.

Whoops, how did that get in there?

4. Jennifer Westfeldt

'Who dat?' you're probably saying. Well not only does Jennifer star in one of my favorite movies ever (Kissing Jessica Stein) but I have two words to explain why I'm jealous of her.

JON.

HAMM.

Le Sigh. Now that's one hot peice of meat. Get it? Hamm? Meat? Ham? Meat? Ha ha....anyway...

It's not like I can even hate her because they're so FRACKIN' adorable together.

I would love to have the type of relationship I imagine they have. Not knowing them, I can't be sure but it just seems like it's filled with respect, love, intellect, and lots of laughs.

NOTFAIR.

3. Halle Berry

Halle's another one I'm not entirely in love with as a person. I mean, we all remember what she did to Storm, right?

Sigh...yes Halle...we all know what happens to a toad when it gets struck by lightning. Now sit down.

So while she may be a bit of a tool as a person, I can't help but think it's NOTFAIR when I see pictures of her and her French baby daddy and their adorable little girl.

Are you kidding me with this?! COME ON! Does the man speak a lick of English? Who knows and who friggin' cares - LOOK at those abs! Hals, I may never forgive you for the disservice you did to Storm but I've gotta give you props for snaggin' a hottie Mc Le Pew!

2. Gwen Stefani

I happen to be a HUGE fan of Gwen Stefani. Her music, her clothing line, her style, her general celebrity persona in general. I feel like she has really worked for and deserved her success. But forgive me if I'm a little bit NOTFAIR about her life. Exhibit A:

Gorgeous and doting husband.

Exhibit B:

Gorgeous and happy child #1, Kingston


Exhibit C: Gorgeous and happy Child #2, Zuma

I wish I could be all "argh, I hate you and your life" but I can't! I can't help but just be happy for her. NOTFAIR.

1. Reese Witherspoon

Ohhhh Reese. Oooooooh Reese. I have one word to describe Reese Witherspoon: GREEDY. I mean come on, really? First of all she thinks she can go and monopolize one amazingly hot peen

and THEN she's going to give that UP and move to MY boyfriend's amazingly hot peen?!!

Are you KIDDING me with this, Reese? What is up with that?! I should smack a bitch up! It's like, you know exactly who I'm in love with and then you just SWOOP in and steal them. Add on to the fact that she has two ADORABLE kids with her ex

and I'm sorry but Reese is just a greedy bitch. And yet, still America's Sweetheart. Le sigh. Life is just NOTFAIR.

But I'm not jealous or anything.

Back to Life, Back to Reality

Well, I'm back in the NYC and my trip home to Ohio was a short one, but a successful one. Whole lotta boozing, a whole lotta family time, and a WHOLE LOTTA eatin'. Seriously, diet starts now. Well.....maybe tomorrow. Maria Conchita Gonzalez brought in candy today so I HAVE to partake in that, don't I? Oh well, too late. I'm also :::gasp::: not going to the gym today. I flew in this morning and went straight to work--I just can't get it up. I'll restart my routine tomorrow when I've had a chance to decompress from my travels. Vacation from a vacation, I'm telling you--it wouldn't be a bad thing! Didn't do much in Ohio, which was the plan from the start. Some highlights:

Josie.

Josephine.


Jo.


Hosafina.
JoJo



This dog is amahzing. She was so adorable the entire weekend. Ugh. Love her.

Heading in to church on Sunday morning (yes, church) I came across this license plate:

Apparently the woman's last name is Hooker but STILL--who in their right mind would drive around town with a HOOKER licence plate?! Bitch be crazy.

Monday Ma, Pa and I went golfing. As evidenced here:

Fierce. I'm not the greatest golfer. I either had amazing shots or horrible crap shots. It was a very fun day and I'm happy that I'll be seeing my family again in a few short weeks for the hot mess of Pat's wedding! Speaking of that, I need to go get fitted for my tux....eek. Time flies!

A few props:

Damn Miley! Go on and get it! You be lookin' goooood! As her best friend Leslie says: "She's just..." ah, forget it. But she looks like an actual grown up on this Elle cover. Of course, Britney went through the same transformation when she was Miley's age. I predict M.C. is a few short years away from an awkward head shaving.

Also:

Dear Chase, Zac, and Jared. Thank you thank you thank you for cutting your hair. Now we can do it. Love, Brian.

Today is Michael Jackson's memorial service at the ever so intimate Staples Center in L.A.

The whole thing was basically one giant freak show (would you expect anything less from MJ?) but I was very touched at the end when the family got up there and started to speak about him. John Mayer playing guitar to "Human Nature" was awesome, but was really missing Matt Giraurd singing vocals. Mariah Carey can't hit hardly any of the notes she used to be able to hit, and Janet Jackson was a fierce black Jackie O. Brooke Shields finally proved to us that she can act because bitch was PUMPIN' out those tears. All in all, it was pretty much what any one expected, but one can't deny the impact that he made on pop music and music in general. Okay. Michael Jackson died. CAN WE MOVE ON NOW?

Okay. Back to work. Enjoy your Tuesday and I'll holla atcha lata.

I'm Bachk

Give me a hot second to get settled and I'll holla atcha later today. Hope everyone had a fun and safe 4th.

Happy Birthday Betch

Oh my god, Becki, look at her butt. And look at Becki Newton, from "Ugly Betty," who turns 31 today! I kiiiiiinda want to be friends with her - can someone make that happen?



Also....



Happy Birthday America!!

Happy Birthday Betch

Hi Patrick Wilson, I accidentally deleted your Happy Birthday post. How could I do such a thing??!! Patrick, I really am sorry - I totally love you! I listen to "The Full Monty" all the time and think you're a really good actor and stuff. Please forgive me for accidentally deleting your post. I hope you have a great 36th birthday!!

Happy Birthday Betch

Remember that one time....that Lindsay Lohan was all cute and adorable and a (somewhat) respectable actress?


You know the time....Mean Girls was happening, Teenage Drama Queen, Freaky Friday, etc. And then....something happened.


Yeah...um.....


Er....Ah....About that....Um.....I....

Hmm...I.....Yeah......

Anyway, today is Lindsay's 23rd birthday! So Happy Birthday Betch! And by Betch I mean Bitch! Hope you live to see 24!!

It's PC!!!

Last night Page Six and I met up with Dr. Mike for a few drinks and then went home to watch NYC Prep. Yes, that NYC Prep. You know the one. The one starring my boyfriend....

....PC!!!! Which I came to find out today stands for Peter Carey. Cute right? Yes...until you find out his last name. Peterson.



Yes, Peterson. His name is Peter Peterson. Now who would do that to their child?! Now I understand why he goes by 'PC.' It's quite all right though, I'll love him no matter what. Let's have a PC party, shall we?

As you may know, I firmly believe that P is of the homosesual persuasion.

Oh yeah baby, you're a mo and you mo it. Until now we've heard that PC dates girls. But in last night's preview for next week, we were treated to this juicy tidbit:

QUA?!!! Have my dreams come true? I'm hoping that this wasn't just a fancy thing they did during editing to screw with my heart. So PC I need to know -



You can call me, email, send me snail mail, follow me on Twitter, I'm on MySpace, Connexion, Friendster, you can show up at my work, you can text me - whatever you deem approp. I know that you're a really rich kid but I'll take you out nice and good. The Times Square Applebee's perhaps? I have a 2 for 1 appetizer coupon. OH YEAH!

Happy Birthday Betch

Happy Birthday to a very special betch today, Husband Steve!

Hubby, thanks for all the joy you've brought to my life over the past year. And look--I baked you a special cake!

Enjoy your day you young thing, see you tonight!

Just 'cuz

True Blood's Ryan Kwanten, just 'cuz.

YUM!!!

Dukes of Hazzard

First off, I need to apologize to Anne Hathaway this morning. Upon reading Broadway.com's featured stories I made a grave, horrible mistake, and for that I'm very sorry. I was looking at the stories and in my head I was saying "okay, Michael Jackson story, Samantha Harris is in Chicago blah blah blah, another Michael Jackson story.......oh.....wait."



Yeeeeeeeah. That wasn't a MJ story, it sure was an Anne Hathaway story! But look at those pictures! They look so much alike! So Anne, I am sorry. I actually like you very, very much and promise to never make this mistake again. But seriously girl, get some sun!


I've got a present for you. A Daisy Duke Photo Bonanza!!!!!


As you know, Friday night was Craig's Daisy Duke party and it was a blast. So now I present to you, the Top 6 Ingredients one must have for a successful Daisy Duke party. You know, in case you want to have one of your own.


1. Daisy Dukes


Well obviously a pair of short shorts is a necessity. The shorter the better. In my case, I cut them so short I could not sit down for fear of flashing all of my friends. My shorts were one thin strip of fabric away from being a denim skirt. Thankfully, this piece of fabric lasted all night. Phew. While you're wearing the shorts, a porn star pose is always an added bonus.


2. Jello Shots



Really a necessity to any party, Jello shots instantly make a Daisy Duke party more fun. The more variety of flavors the better!


3. Boys, Boys, Boys



Boys? Yes. Boys in short shorts? Yes please!! A bevvy of boys is always welcome when hosting a Daisy Dukes party. Of course, no Daisy Duke party is complete without....


4. Girls Girls Girls



The token straight girl. Love me some Lynne! Always dressed to impress.


5. Sexy Pose

An absolute must at any Daisy Duke party is a sexy pose. Extra points if you throw a sexy pout in there somewhere!

6. Ensemble

People, simply wearing Daisy Dukes isn't going to cut it. You've got to make sure you have the entire outfit planned and coordinated. For instance - DavidBrandon? Went for the whole "leather daddy" theme. Dom and Mikey? Sporty Daisy Dukes. More-O and I did a little country "these boots are made for walking" ensemble. Make it work, make it match, and make it fierce. Most of all - make it Daisy Dukey!


One last thing before I go:

MARION AND TABITHA??? REEEALLY?!!!

Happy Birthday Betch

Happy Birthday goes out to Michael Phelps

Wait...not THAT Michael Phelps!

THAT Michael Phelps. However, I refuse to acknowledge that his face exists so I would like to wish a very Happy Birthday Betch to Michael Phelp's torso, which turns 24 today.

Lessons From Pride

Ah, June. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining (unless you live in New York) and that low pulsing beat you hear is the sound of thousands of little gay boys celebrating.....Pride!!

I had SUCH an amazing weekend with the More-O boys. Seriously, it was like one amazing memory after another. Friday night we had our Daisy Dukes party and I have to say that my costume came together quite well--pictures to follow. Saturday I woke up and did some laundry, then headed to my friend Alex's party on a roof top in Hells Kitchen. I feel really lucky sometimes to be treated to views like this

Seriously--how gorgeous!?

Saturday night we headed over to DavidBrandon's to celebrate his birthday and I found myself drinking water the majority of the time. I can NOT pace myself to save my life! Sunday morning was Andrew's rooftop party and the parade. He had the most ideal spot, right there on Christopher St. and the parade passed right by his house. Inbetween running up and down from the roof to watch the parade and then drink, I learned a few things.

Things I learned Pride 2009

*A blow up doll in the background of pictures instantly makes them better

*Fake wedding photos are really funny...

...until fake wedding photos turn into real 'smash the cake in your face' photos.

*I might want to start shopping in the Old Navy women's section after seeing Craig's cute tank top


*Cops love lesbians and Jack and Coke's.

*I learned I met and took pictures with a lot of people who I will not remember the next day.

*Sexy armpit photos aren't necessarily that sexy.



*Well placed middle fingers really make me laugh.

*I get really excited when seeing my Dodgeball lovelies marching in parades

*Shirtless boys on roofs? Yes please.


*Shirtless boys on floats? Even better!


*There is such a thing as 'too gay.'

*There is such a thing as 'too drunk.' (Not that they are...I'm just saying)

*I still love me a good marching band

And finally....



*When someone says "you really should put sunscreen on..."


...I should listen!

Happy Birthday Betch

The Office, Part 3


That's what she said! Jan Levinson-Gould, also known as Melora Hardin, turns 42 today. Happy Birthday Betch!

Happy Birthday Betch

Happy Birthday Betch goes out to So You Think You Can Dance and Dancing With the Stars star Lacey Schwimmer, who turns 21 today.

Happy Birthday Betch

Oh Chuck Bass, the things you do to me....Happy Birthday to Ed Westwick, who turns 22 today. Oh, and also....

Happy Pride!!!

Hmm...What to Blog About...

Man oh man...slow day. The boss men are out of the office today, it's rainy and drab outside, and there's not a whole lot in the news to report. I mean, today is "National Bring Your Dog to Work Day."

The R train was voted the dirtiest Subway train, while the 7 train was voted the cleanest

and McHottie Jonathan went home on "So You Think You Can Dance" last night.

That's really about it...I don't know what else there is to...talk about....oh wait--

Hey you guys, did you hear that Danny Gokey's wi....I mean, that Michael Jackson died? But...wait--didn't he die like five years ago? Look, I'm not saying this isn't sad and this isn't a tragedy, the guy was only 50 years old. But seriously? Is anyone truly surprised by this? He's been losing it for the past 15 years--maybe more! I'm not denying that he was a legend and that he changed the face of Pop music, but he was our generation's Elvis--you loved him when he was on top, and hated him when he was on the down and out. I think my former USU Professor Kevin said it best on his blog:

"Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett both died today and you would think a war was lost. There is nothing else on the news. I went to Facebook and that's all people are posting about. It saddens me but not in the way you may think. There are two major wars the US is involved in going on right now, the green revolution in Iran who's citizens are fighting for their democratic future, problems of genocide in east Africa, unemployment world-wide, nuclear games being played by North Korea - but the only thing to get Americans moved is the death of a controversial pop singer and a model turned mediocre actress turned cancer educator."

And also, all of these people who are like "too soon" when a joke about MJ is made. F'real? How could you NOT make light of this situation? It was a tragedy, but the guy was a walking freak show. I'm not going to pretend to be sad or broken up about it because I've been making fun of him for years--but that doesn't mean that I don't have a heart in there somewhere. Am I weirded out that an icon of my generation is gone? Sure. Do I feel sad for his friends and family? Well, of course. I think I'm more bugged about the people that are pretending to be heartbroken--really? You're really going to go home and shed a tear and quote MJ on your Facebook for the next week? Ai Dios...

My friend Ryan took it a step further than I did (I made one simple Billie Jean joke) taking to his Twitter and producing some of the funniest one-liners I've read in I don't know how long.

"What a terrible day for celebrity deaths, as today saw the deaths of two white women"

"I think I just heard Patrick Swayze go, "Whew..."

"Farrah Fawcett couldn't have chosen a worst time to die, & Governor Sanford couldn't have chosen a better time to announce his affair"

"I wonder who gets Michael's nose?"

"A text message I just received from someone, in response to Michael Jackson's death: "No way. Can he even die?"

"Okay Children, you can come out and play now"

Awful? Yes. Did you just laugh? Probably. Don't blame me, I'm merely the messenger. As it is though, I really just hope that the media outlets focus more on the legacy and music catalog that he left us and less on the controversies of his life. And let's face it--there were a bunch. But there is no denying his contribution to pop music and music in general. And I'll leave it at that.

Oh, but Corey Feldmann?

No.