Thursday, July 31, 2008

Reason # 4832100 why I HATE Sprint

So my contract with Sprint is up in the coming days and as I've been very unhappy with their service (specifically customer service) for quite some time, I am OUT. DA. DO'. As soon as I possibly can be. Gather round' children, for story time with Brian.

Last summer, before I moved to Ohio for three months, I had a "Utah only" plan, meaning I could only call within Utah. Knowing that I was going to need nationwide coverage, I called them to see what I could do about upgrading. Well, the only way to do this was to change to a plan with excessive, and expensive, benefits which I did not need. Also, I would have had to extend my contract for another two years. Being so unhappy with Sprint, I was not about to be all "Sure! Extend my contract four years while you're at it!!" Hell no. I was ready to leave. But I made up some elaborate story, agreed to extend my contract one year, and that was that. I had nationwide service. Cut to August--my first bill since the new changes had been made. Open up the bill and......$900. A $900 phone bill. As it turns out, they had never changed the plan like they said they would so here I am making all kinds of calls and roaming the whole time.

As you can imagine, I was not a happy camper. So imagine how much MORE unhappy I became when I called in to complain, and they said they had no record of the previous conversation so therefore they couldn't retro grade my plan back to June and I was responsible for the full amount. I somehow managed to convince them to bring the charge down to $390-something, sucked it up, and paid it.

I called in to customer service today to find out the exact date that my contract was up. After speaking with the technical department for ten minutes ( seriously, how did I end up in the technical department?) I was transferred to customer service. I start talking to the lady and she asks for my that the same as my password? I can't remember it. So she says that she will reset it for me. 25 minutes later I'm finally able to ask her my question. She answers it, and I'm on my way. I tried to be as polite as I could, having worked in customer service previously, but I was getting ready to Hulk out.

Luckily I maintained my composure.

Moral of the story: STAY the "F" away from Sprint!!

Reason # 8455609 why I love Cat Deeley

These shoes!!! Are they pom-poms? Corsages? What are they? Adorable, is what they are.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I Don't Do Sadness

My eyes has been twitching for the past half an hour. Does that mean I'm dying? Having a seizure? Getting sick? What is wrong with me?! And how do I get rid of it? It's driving me a little crazy.

Won the [title of show] lottery with Page Six last night. I knew that he would like the show but I was surprised at just how much he loved it! Spreadin' the [tos] love, spreadin' the love...

Dinner with Scott Evans tonight and then watching So You Think You Can Dance. Someone, who shall remain nameless, said that he has no reason to watch now that Will is gone. WHAT?! Who cares about Will? Good riddance, is what I say. We've still got Katee, Mark, Chelsea, and even Courtney. There's still plenty of SYTYCD goodness.

I've been a little sad today. I don't know why. Sometimes you just feel sad, with no reason. I've also been listening to a lot of Alanis today. Because of these two occurrences, I've compiled a list of the top 6 saddest Alanis songs. Yup, I'm that bored.

6. Mary Jane - "Jagged Little Pill"
Sample lyric - "I hear you're countin' sheep again, Mary Jane
What's the point of trying to dream any more
I hear you're losing weight again Mary Jane
You ever wonder who you're losing it for."

By far my favorite Alanis song, this is always the one I come to when I feel like singing my girl voice, of course.

5. That Particular Time- Under Rug Swept
Sample Lyric - At that particular time love encouraged me to leave
At that particular moment I knew that staying with you meant deserting me
That particular month was harder than you'd believe but I still left
At that particular time

This was like, my sad boy anthem my Junior year of college. I remember taking this particular lyric (like how I did that?) and using it for a voice class exercise where I had to record it over and over again. Everyone else chose things from plays, or books...I chose an Alanis lyric. Go figure.

4. That I Would Be Good - Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie
Sample Lyric - That I would be good, even if I did nothing
That I would be good, even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good, even if I gained ten pounds

Word is that Alanis wrote this during a party, while crying in her closet. It's safe to say she didn't write it in New York...I don't even have a closet to put close in, much less cry in!

3. Torch - Flavors of Entanglement
Sample Lyric - I miss your smell and your style and your pure abiding ways
miss your approach to life and your body in my bed

I couldn't breathe the first time I heard this song. It's almost as if you can hear the heartbreak in her voice. Such a sad song!

2. Not As We - Flavors of Entanglement
Sample Lyric - Day one, day one start over again
Step one, step one I'm barely making sense
For now I'm faking it, til I'm pseudo-making it
From scratch begin, again
but this time I as I, and not as we


1. Simple Together - Feast on Scraps
Sample Lyric - You've been my golden best friend
now with post-demise at hand
I can't go to you for consolation
Cause we're off limits during this transition

I thought we'd be simple together
I thought we'd be happy together
I thought we'd be precious together
but I was sadly mistaken

I've listened to this song many a time after breakups. The worst though, was when the song was quoted to me directly after a breakup. I was like "how dare you use my Alanis against me?!" Ugh. Such manipulation of the heart. Brutal.

I encourage you to check out these six songs, for any day that you're feeling a little blue. They'll make you cry fo sho, and then you'll feel better and then you can thank me. So you're welcome.

Geez, what a depressing post. I promise to be more exciting tomorrow. Don't slit your wrists, ya'll.

And for the record, my eye is still twitching.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Thing I'm Loving Today

1. America Ferrera at the premiere of "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2"

2. Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

If you're a fan of Joss Whedon, or Buffy, or musicals, or Neil Patrick Harris, or Nathan Fillion, or laughing, or smiling, or should check out this forty-five minute one act. An aspiring evil-villain, Dr. Horrible, wants to join the Evil League of Evil and win the girl of his dreams but his nemesis Captain Hammer keeps foiling his plans. I had heard the buzz about it but didn't realize how amazing it is until I watched it. It's available for purchase on Itunes or can also find it on

3. American Teen

A documentary about five teens during their Senior Year of high school. A mix between Mtv's The Hills and True Life, it's funny, touching, and completely riveting.

Dear "American Teen's" Hannah Bailey,

I think you're amazing and want to be friends with you. You made me laugh a lot during your movie and your grandma is the shit. I think you'd fit in really well at Wednesday Game Nights and I know that the boys would love you. So if you want to leave a comment with your email we can catch up and get together. It'd be really great if you, me could hang out. Plus, let's throw in Amanda Lorber from Mtv's "The Paper," cause she's pretty amazing, like you. Let's make it happen Hannah Bailey.


4. My friends

They're pretty freakin' awesome.

5. This

And that concludes this edition of "Things I'm Loving Today."

Monday, July 28, 2008

Top Ten Things/Moments I loved about Six Flags

10. McGiggles, Mappy, Homos Inc., Team Pink, Etc.

The first ride of the day is always the most exciting. You have the excitement about being there, you're not afraid of dying yet, and even if it's a small/lame ride, it's still better than the tram you took to get to the park. Such was the case with Pandemonium. Sometimes when I get on rides, I giggle really hard and that happened to the nth degree on Pandemonium. I was therefore known as "McGiggles" for the remainder of the day. Vinny became Mappy due to his knowledge of the map, and then later when BFF took over he was known as just "MAP." Poor Husband Steve didn't get a nickname. It's okay though because he became part of "Homos, Inc" later when we all turned into Superheroes. And what Superheroes we were.

9. "What part of 'for kids' don't you understand?!"

In order to get our capes (which you'll hear more about later) we had to play one of those classic mallet games where you hit the scale in hopes of reaching the bell.

For some reason, even though I could clearly see that it was a game for kids, I thought that I needed to use all of my strength to reach the bell. Note to self: You do not need to use all of your strength to reach the bell. I practically broke the game and apparently the mother behind me said "jesus...what part of 'for kids' don't you understand?!" Because I won, I thought I was entitled to receive a cape and the five dollars that I paid for the game back in my pocket. I couldn't grasp the fact that I had to pay five dollars to just play the game. BFF and Husband smartly just paid for their capes. While walking by another "mallet" game later in the day, the machine suddenly yelled out "Come on, give me a whack!" Uh...ABsolutely not.

8. Car Ride

You know how some car rides are totally painful and you just want to BE there? Well, that was still the case with our car ride but the difference is that we had an absolute blast in the car. Lots of fun conversations, candy, and singing. My favorite part of the car was on the way back, when we all sang four part harmonies to a song from "Avenue Q." Without talking, we all just took a part and ran with it. And we sounded good, too! Of course, the car ride went awry later in the night when my roommate's car's brakes pads started giving way and so every time we braked it was metal upon metal....but that's a different story.

7. Gay Wiggles

In taking a break from the festivities we sat wandered into "Kids Land" to sit down in the shade somewhere. What we came upon still haunts my dreams two days later.

WIGGLES!!! The best part of the whole Wiggle experience though was the bald man in the red. He was the gayest thing I have ever seen on a stage (including numerous drag queens) and he wasn't even hiding it. During "Wag the Dog" he was flailing his wrists about like he didn't even have wrist bones. I would not be surprised if afterwards he and "Captain Feathersword" played pirates backstage. The kids seemed to enjoy it though...which...I GUESS is the important thing.

6. $4.50 for ice in a cup?!?!

We all know that theme parks have amazing/disgusting food. And Six Flags is absolutely no exception. Chicken Fingers, Fries, Pizza, Icees--all calorie heavy goodness. My favorite though was the treat we enjoyed while watching the Gay Wiggles. It's a treat you can't get very many places, really localized to just Six Flags New England. Ice in a cup. Yes, ladies and gentleman, shaved ice in a plastic flower pot cup with colored flavoring on top. It was amazing. And really gross. And $4.50. Just as Theme Park food should be.

5. Waterfalls on the attack

Sometimes boys turn into girls and when they are on water rides, they really don't want to get wet. This particular situation happened at Six Flags. It was a hot day, we had been running around and were gross, yet we still avoided water like the plague. The first time through the rapids we escaped relatively dry, so we decided to go again later on in the day. This time through, however, the waterfall had different plans. Not only were Vinny and Husband attacked by the waterfall, it chose to pause underneath and linger. The two people that didn't want to get wet the most were the most soaked at the end. BFF also experienced some of the attack.

I had a great idea of buying a giant plastic bag to put all of our electronics (camera, phone) into and for some reason thought that was more sensible than just renting a locker. All day I was "really pretty, not a whole lot upstairs." Ah well, what can ya do.

4. Flash Pass

I don't care how much it cost, this was the greatest thing in the entire world. For $35 extra bucks each, the four of us bypassed almost every single line in the whole park. You have a little electronic thing, you enter in what ride you want to go on, and then when it's time it buzzes and you can head straight to that line. You skip past all the people who have been waiting for 2+ hours and go straight on the ride. "YOU WERE RIGHT SPENCER" was sort of the theme of the day. The shitty part about the Flash Pass, however, is that you had to wait in this hot, gross room with a million other people who are interested in the pass. Did I mention it was a hot, gross room? Want to see what three people in a room that is hot and gross look like?

3. "Get in your box and smoke!!"

All around the park they have little outdoor boxes set up where people go in and smoke. No cover, no separate building, just a box outside. For whatever reason, I thought this was the funniest thing in the world and every time we'd walk by I'd yell "get in your box and smoke!" Everyone looked like caged animals banished from the outside world, these frightened looks on their little faces. I guess that's what they get for POLLUTING THEIR BODIES!

#2. Capes!!!

So as you know from #9, we played the mallet game to get the capes. And we wore these capes ALL. DAY. LONG. On rides, in the bathroom, while eating, it was fantastic. Spencer got an old school Batman capes, Husband got a Batgirl cape and I got Wonder Woman. A few heckles here and there ("nice cape!"!) some odd looks, but for the most part everyone thought we were awesome.

I'm not sure that we ever came up for a name but the few tossed around were "Homos,Inc." and "Team Pink." We're amazing. I wish I could wear that cape every day. Of course, I felt less cool when, while standing in line for Superman, this 14-year old girl comes up and said "oh my gosh, you guys are so cool I wish I had a cape. I wore a wizard hat here last year and everyone thought I was so weird." Uh...that's because you are weird. Don't you know little girl? Capes are cool, and wizard hats drool.

1.5. Steve getting yelled at by Pegg

While in line for Flash Pass, we had to watch a video that detailed how it works. It wasn't that hard of a system to figure out so obviously we weren't paying much attention. Spencer made a little joke to which Steve smiled politely. Pegg (the woman running the 'orientation') looked right in our direction, and GLARES at Steve. Like, evil eyes. She says " excuse me!" and the entire room looks right in our direction. Best part about it was that Steve couldn't even eke out a comeback, he was so taken aback. So he just sort of squeaks out this....noise....that was the funniest thing I've ever heard. It was like a "Wha-." Amazing. Husband Steve making trouble....

"I can't believe I just got yelled at!!!"

1. "Cheryl!!! Sandra!!! SHARON!!!"

As you can imagine, Six Flags doesn't have the greatest clientele. A whole lot of lower back tattoos, a lot of exposed stomachs, and an excessive amount of missing teeth. During the first part of the day we're walking down main street and we see this....woman....leaning forward on her knees, rockin' the tank top, bordering on obese, teeth all a missin' SCREAMING at the top of her lungs "SHARON!!!! SHAAAARON!!!! SHAAAAAAAARRRROOOOONNNN!!" And when I say screaming I mean screaming. So naturally the four of us were a bit taken aback. The rest of the day we thought it was hilarious to randomly scream Sharon's name but the problem was, we could never remember what the name actually was. So the exchange would go something like :

Brian: "CHERYL!"

Spencer: "Shannon."

Vinny and Steve: "SHARON!!"

Edit: I have been corrected, yet again. It is SANDRA, not Sharon. Oops.

Later on in the day we were going to take a picture with Sylvester the Cat and BFF and I couldn't find Steve and Vinny. The woman running the thing had a microphone and she said "what are their names?" And I said "Sharon." So the woman yells in the microphone "Sharon!" Great moment. Later still, we saw the woman again. This time she was shaking her four year old child yelling "Do you love me?! Do you love me?!?! If you loved me you'd stop crying!!!" Ah, child abuse and rollercoasters. Throw some Cotton Candy in there, and you've got yourself a perfect day.

Friday, July 25, 2008

You, You, You, Oughta Know

I just bought my ticket to go see Alanis Morissette at Radio City Musical Hall on September 26!!! I'm totes excited. I haven't seen her in concert in almost four years (with the exception of the Today show) and even though she repeats the same set lists over and over again (seriously, I don't need to hear Ironic ever again) I think that seeing her at Radio City will be a very cool experience.

Vinny comes into town today and we're all set for Six Flags, brunch, dinners, etc. I should be a very fun and busy weekend!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Batman, part 2

Okay, I need to know who these people are that have never seen even ONE Batman movie. That's just insanity! You have six to choose from and you haven't seen one?! I guess there are people who haven't seen any of the Star Wars movies (me) but Batman is far cooler than Star Wars. People, seriously, you don't know what you're missing. We all know Batman Begins and The Dark Knight are bad ass but there are some gems in those first few movies. Here are a few examples:

The first Batman introduced us to, Batman of course, and the wonder that is The Joker

In Batman Returns you have the two-punch of The Penguin

And Catwoman

After this the movies started to go downhill. Batman Forever, the third "Batman" movie, showed us an...interesting interpretation of Robin

and The Riddler

By the fourth movie, "Batman and Robin," it was clear they wanted to have as many characters as possible. So in addition to Batman and Robin, we also had Batgirl

AHNOLD as Mr. Freeze,

And Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy

Now SEE?!?!? With all of that, why would you NOT go see a Batman movie? I think I know what four movies are going to be working their way up your Netflix queue after THIS blog post!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

[title of movie]

Okay this is the last [title of show] blog for a while, I promise. I's bored at work today and decided to cast the [tos] movie. Yes. Like I said. I's bored.

So we'd start with the Book writer, Hunter Bell, played by Prince Harry. Clearly we're going for a younger demographic with this casting.

Then we have the song writer, Jeff Bowen, played by Patrick Wilson. These two guys look so much alike it's freaky.

Susan Blackwell, played by Holly Hunter. Both handsome ladies.

Heidi Blickenstaff, played by Renee Zellweger. I happen to think that Heidi is prettier though...

Musical director and "orchestra" Larry Pressgrove played by an older Ed Harris.

The "director of the show," Michael Berresse, would be played by the amazing Jake Gyllenhaal

And just for the hell of it I'd be in the movie, played by Brett Harrison

Actually scratch that. I'd play myself. I just wanted to see a picture of me next to Brett Harrison...


Omg ya'll. Estelle Getty, Sophia on "The Golden Girls," totally died today! Personally I enjoyed her the most on "Stop or my mom will shoot" but we that's just me.

Bailey Fail. Coffee Fail. Tuesday Fail.

"The Hardest Audition in Broadway History?" Really MTV? REALLY?! In the HISTORY of Broadway? I would venture to guess that's not s'much the case. At any rate, Bailey won Mtv's "Legally Blonde: The Search for the Next Elle Woods" last night in case anyone cares. It was between her and Autumn and even though I wasn't a huge fan of either of them, you bet your bottom dollar I'll be seeing the show again to see how their performances are. Yes, that's right, performances. The runner-up, Autumn, was cast as the Elle Understudy and will be in the ensemble on Broadway. Rhiannon, the third placer (who is from Logan, UT!) will be playing Elle's best friend Margot on tour, and Lauren (fourth place) is in the ensemble and understudying Elle on tour. So see? EVERYONE wins in this scenario!

Tell me something. If I have two "frequent coffee" cards and each card has two punches. Get to four punches and you can have a free coffee. So why is it, then, I cannot combine the two cards? My punches equal four punches, so why am I all of a sudden paying for the large coffee that I got because I thought it was free coffee day? Why can't you just suck it up, take my two cards with two punches each that equal four punches, and let me have my friggin coffee for free?! Cause now I'm on edge, cranky, and jittery from the large coffee I purchased. Look what you did Rosalita--see if I ever come through your line ever again.

Last night BFF and I went to see [title of show], my second time and his first. I can't say enough good things about this show. Most of all, it's just FUNNY. It is laugh out loud funny the entire way through and is full of obscure theater references it makes someone like me, who knows a lot about obscure theater references, really happy. I actually think the show is really accessible, even for people who don't "know" theater. I can't even tell you how many times I got chills listening to Heidi Blickenstaff sing--even going into ugly cry during one of her songs. It was all I could do to not sob. My large coffee is starting to get to me. I should go pee. So I think I'm going to leave. It's not like I have anything exciting to share with you anyway. So ya'll stay classy, and a good day to y' and yours. I'd like to leave you with something that makes me laugh.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Brian at [title of show] afterparty

As seen on

If I was any more famous....ya'll wouldn't know what to do with me. That's Megan Hilty I'm staring at....seriously. What is my face doing? Am I just looking into the distance? I, clearly, was the life of the party.

Here I am in another picture, from I have no idea who the people in the picture are, but you sure can see me in the background!

BFF and I are seeing the show tonight, him for the first time. I'm so excited!!

Duh na duh na.....Batman!

Oh my, what a weekend! I feel like I've been going since Friday afternoon with no stop, but I'm not complaining about that. Friday after work BFF and I hopped that downtown train and headed to CT to see "Mamma Mia" with his sister, Mandy.

The only real redeeming quality about the movie was this gem, Amanda Seyfried, as Sophie. She literally lit up the screen every time she was on it. Meryl Streep gave it a good effort, and Pierce Brosnon was laughable, as was his singing. The movie had a lot of the right elements, but they didn't work when put together. It was a hot tranny mess.

Saturday we went boating with his sister, brother-in-law, and adorable nephew. The weather was super warm, we stayed dry (looked like a chance of rain for a bit there) and I got some good sun. I even made a new friend: THIS GUY.

Yes, that's right. A MF-ing JELLYFISH. Now granted it didn't look as scary as this one, actually, I didn't see it at all. And thank God...because I wouldn't have been able to sleep. Before, when we were at the dock, we saw a bunch of jellyfish and BFF said they had been around in the sound this summer. We were out on the ocean, boating around, and stopped so that we could blow up the innertube and do some tubing. I'm standing on the boat, talking about how I'm scared to go in the water, and BFF pushes me in. Yes, pushes me in. Isn't that sweet? The minute I'm in the water I feel this burning feeling, like millions of pins being pushed into my arm, face, neck, chest...not a fun feeling. Within minutes you can see these spots getting red with visible lines of where the tentacles stung me. A MF-ing JELLYFISH, ya'll!!! If I was afraid to get in the water before you can bet your bottom dollar I'm not going to do it NOW! Ugh. Nature.

BBQ'd on the beach and came back to the city about midnight. EVT had been in contact throughout the night and wanted to go out dancing. So we went out dancing at 12:30 and had a really fun time. I need to remember, however, that I'm not 21 anymore and CAN'T DO THAT!! Leaving my house at 12:30?! That's crazy talk. What kind of people can do that?! My ass is too tired...

Slept in Sunday morning, hung out at the pier with BFF, went up to Jake Arnell's for a lovely ice cream party (yum!) and then managed to snag tickets to a showing of The Dark Knight.

Holly Balls!!!! This movie was amazing! I've always been a fan of the Batman movies, but was underwhelmed by Batman Begins. This movie, however, was so bad-ass I can't even stand it. I'll let you form your own opinion about the movie but I need to comment on a few things I noticed about the crowd before the movie.

1. Overheard at Batman: The Dark Knight
Woman coming back from the snack bar with popcorn: "Apparently I'm not a miss anymore, I'm a madam." Yeah, honey...that sucks. Maybe if you frequented your tanning salon in South Jersey less often you'd have less wrinkles and therefore wouldn't look Trannylicious, therefore not being mistaken for a madam...or a man for that matter. Not that you WERE mistaken for a man, but the possibility is less if you just stop going to that damn tanning salon...
2. Man in Geek Squad T-Shirt

No need to make a joke here...the joke has already been made for me.

3. Overtly straight guy next to me

Eating Snow Caps. Snow Caps!! Who eats Snow Caps?! And what straight guy eats Snow Caps?! Gross.

4. Again, dude, I get it you're straight
"We should head over to Tavern on the Green after this and get some hot chicks." Okay a) I was unaware that Tavern on the Green was the hot spot to score chicks. That'd be like saying "I'm heading over to K-Mart to pick up the latest fashions." And b) I'm not sure that saying "yeah, we just came from a showing of the new Batman movie" is the way to pick up said "hot chicks."

5. People in costume
I wasn't lucky enough to see many costumes but I was able to see more green and purple combos to last me a lifetime. I really wish, though, that this guy was there:

Because really, the only thing better than "Batman," is "Catman." Oh look! I made a pun! Yay, puns!