Monday, July 28, 2008

Top Ten Things/Moments I loved about Six Flags

10. McGiggles, Mappy, Homos Inc., Team Pink, Etc.

The first ride of the day is always the most exciting. You have the excitement about being there, you're not afraid of dying yet, and even if it's a small/lame ride, it's still better than the tram you took to get to the park. Such was the case with Pandemonium. Sometimes when I get on rides, I giggle really hard and that happened to the nth degree on Pandemonium. I was therefore known as "McGiggles" for the remainder of the day. Vinny became Mappy due to his knowledge of the map, and then later when BFF took over he was known as just "MAP." Poor Husband Steve didn't get a nickname. It's okay though because he became part of "Homos, Inc" later when we all turned into Superheroes. And what Superheroes we were.

9. "What part of 'for kids' don't you understand?!"

In order to get our capes (which you'll hear more about later) we had to play one of those classic mallet games where you hit the scale in hopes of reaching the bell.

For some reason, even though I could clearly see that it was a game for kids, I thought that I needed to use all of my strength to reach the bell. Note to self: You do not need to use all of your strength to reach the bell. I practically broke the game and apparently the mother behind me said "jesus...what part of 'for kids' don't you understand?!" Because I won, I thought I was entitled to receive a cape and the five dollars that I paid for the game back in my pocket. I couldn't grasp the fact that I had to pay five dollars to just play the game. BFF and Husband smartly just paid for their capes. While walking by another "mallet" game later in the day, the machine suddenly yelled out "Come on, give me a whack!" Uh...ABsolutely not.

8. Car Ride

You know how some car rides are totally painful and you just want to BE there? Well, that was still the case with our car ride but the difference is that we had an absolute blast in the car. Lots of fun conversations, candy, and singing. My favorite part of the car was on the way back, when we all sang four part harmonies to a song from "Avenue Q." Without talking, we all just took a part and ran with it. And we sounded good, too! Of course, the car ride went awry later in the night when my roommate's car's brakes pads started giving way and so every time we braked it was metal upon metal....but that's a different story.

7. Gay Wiggles

In taking a break from the festivities we sat wandered into "Kids Land" to sit down in the shade somewhere. What we came upon still haunts my dreams two days later.

WIGGLES!!! The best part of the whole Wiggle experience though was the bald man in the red. He was the gayest thing I have ever seen on a stage (including numerous drag queens) and he wasn't even hiding it. During "Wag the Dog" he was flailing his wrists about like he didn't even have wrist bones. I would not be surprised if afterwards he and "Captain Feathersword" played pirates backstage. The kids seemed to enjoy it though...which...I GUESS is the important thing.

6. $4.50 for ice in a cup?!?!

We all know that theme parks have amazing/disgusting food. And Six Flags is absolutely no exception. Chicken Fingers, Fries, Pizza, Icees--all calorie heavy goodness. My favorite though was the treat we enjoyed while watching the Gay Wiggles. It's a treat you can't get very many places, really localized to just Six Flags New England. Ice in a cup. Yes, ladies and gentleman, shaved ice in a plastic flower pot cup with colored flavoring on top. It was amazing. And really gross. And $4.50. Just as Theme Park food should be.

5. Waterfalls on the attack

Sometimes boys turn into girls and when they are on water rides, they really don't want to get wet. This particular situation happened at Six Flags. It was a hot day, we had been running around and were gross, yet we still avoided water like the plague. The first time through the rapids we escaped relatively dry, so we decided to go again later on in the day. This time through, however, the waterfall had different plans. Not only were Vinny and Husband attacked by the waterfall, it chose to pause underneath and linger. The two people that didn't want to get wet the most were the most soaked at the end. BFF also experienced some of the attack.

I had a great idea of buying a giant plastic bag to put all of our electronics (camera, phone) into and for some reason thought that was more sensible than just renting a locker. All day I was "really pretty, not a whole lot upstairs." Ah well, what can ya do.

4. Flash Pass

I don't care how much it cost, this was the greatest thing in the entire world. For $35 extra bucks each, the four of us bypassed almost every single line in the whole park. You have a little electronic thing, you enter in what ride you want to go on, and then when it's time it buzzes and you can head straight to that line. You skip past all the people who have been waiting for 2+ hours and go straight on the ride. "YOU WERE RIGHT SPENCER" was sort of the theme of the day. The shitty part about the Flash Pass, however, is that you had to wait in this hot, gross room with a million other people who are interested in the pass. Did I mention it was a hot, gross room? Want to see what three people in a room that is hot and gross look like?

3. "Get in your box and smoke!!"

All around the park they have little outdoor boxes set up where people go in and smoke. No cover, no separate building, just a box outside. For whatever reason, I thought this was the funniest thing in the world and every time we'd walk by I'd yell "get in your box and smoke!" Everyone looked like caged animals banished from the outside world, these frightened looks on their little faces. I guess that's what they get for POLLUTING THEIR BODIES!

#2. Capes!!!

So as you know from #9, we played the mallet game to get the capes. And we wore these capes ALL. DAY. LONG. On rides, in the bathroom, while eating, it was fantastic. Spencer got an old school Batman capes, Husband got a Batgirl cape and I got Wonder Woman. A few heckles here and there ("nice cape!"!) some odd looks, but for the most part everyone thought we were awesome.

I'm not sure that we ever came up for a name but the few tossed around were "Homos,Inc." and "Team Pink." We're amazing. I wish I could wear that cape every day. Of course, I felt less cool when, while standing in line for Superman, this 14-year old girl comes up and said "oh my gosh, you guys are so cool I wish I had a cape. I wore a wizard hat here last year and everyone thought I was so weird." Uh...that's because you are weird. Don't you know little girl? Capes are cool, and wizard hats drool.

1.5. Steve getting yelled at by Pegg

While in line for Flash Pass, we had to watch a video that detailed how it works. It wasn't that hard of a system to figure out so obviously we weren't paying much attention. Spencer made a little joke to which Steve smiled politely. Pegg (the woman running the 'orientation') looked right in our direction, and GLARES at Steve. Like, evil eyes. She says " excuse me!" and the entire room looks right in our direction. Best part about it was that Steve couldn't even eke out a comeback, he was so taken aback. So he just sort of squeaks out this....noise....that was the funniest thing I've ever heard. It was like a "Wha-." Amazing. Husband Steve making trouble....

"I can't believe I just got yelled at!!!"

1. "Cheryl!!! Sandra!!! SHARON!!!"

As you can imagine, Six Flags doesn't have the greatest clientele. A whole lot of lower back tattoos, a lot of exposed stomachs, and an excessive amount of missing teeth. During the first part of the day we're walking down main street and we see this....woman....leaning forward on her knees, rockin' the tank top, bordering on obese, teeth all a missin' SCREAMING at the top of her lungs "SHARON!!!! SHAAAARON!!!! SHAAAAAAAARRRROOOOONNNN!!" And when I say screaming I mean screaming. So naturally the four of us were a bit taken aback. The rest of the day we thought it was hilarious to randomly scream Sharon's name but the problem was, we could never remember what the name actually was. So the exchange would go something like :

Brian: "CHERYL!"

Spencer: "Shannon."

Vinny and Steve: "SHARON!!"

Edit: I have been corrected, yet again. It is SANDRA, not Sharon. Oops.

Later on in the day we were going to take a picture with Sylvester the Cat and BFF and I couldn't find Steve and Vinny. The woman running the thing had a microphone and she said "what are their names?" And I said "Sharon." So the woman yells in the microphone "Sharon!" Great moment. Later still, we saw the woman again. This time she was shaking her four year old child yelling "Do you love me?! Do you love me?!?! If you loved me you'd stop crying!!!" Ah, child abuse and rollercoasters. Throw some Cotton Candy in there, and you've got yourself a perfect day.


doug said...

Um, were you being sarcastic or something, or do you really think flavored shaved ice only exists in Six Flags? I didn't get that part... The rest of this, however, pure comedy gold. :)

Brian said...

No, Doug. That wasn't sarcasm at ALL! Neither was that.