Recently I received a text from someone asking me to email them my address. They wanted my address so they could send me a wedding invitation. Nice, right? No matter that I got the text at 2am, I've been invited to a wedding!!!
The problem with this text, is that I received it from someone I haven't spoken to since I graduated college. That's right, five (oh Sweet Christ, 5?!?!) years ago. If we were best friends in college, that would have been one thing. And I'd like to think that this person and I were good friends--we didn't hang in the same "group" but I saw him/her everyday, was always friendly with them at parties and classes, and genuinely liked him/her. But to send me a text like that after so long, it's blatantly obvious that you're only looking for a wedding gift. And maybe I'm wrong, maybe this person sincerely wants me at their wedding....but I highly doubt it. This story leads to one of the biggest pet peeves I've had lately---people who are only in contact when they want something.
If we are good friends and you need something from me, you know I am always happy and willing to help out. Hell, even if you're an acquaintance of mine and you need something I'm usually willing to oblige. But if that's the ONLY time I heard from said acquaintance/friend, I have a problem with that! I know I've been guilty about this in the past, hell, I'm sure everyone has at one point. I have two friends in particular---one of which I would consider a good friend of my past/present and another whom I consider an acquaintance--and the only times I hear from them are when they need directions, or questions about something, or help with something. The worst is the type of person who only talks to me when they don't have a boyfriend. If that's our relationship, fine. But don't go out and pretend like we're besties. And if you want me to help you out, text me every now and then to say hi...just cuz. I don't expect you to email me everyday all day or call me every night to say goodnight--of course not--I just need a little effort.
I feel like I'm a good friend in the fact that I make the effort to be in touch with people. Because I've moved around so much I have friends from all walks of my life. I find these people, build relationships, make lasting friendships, but once the day-to-day, face-to-face connection is gone, I know that I have to make an effort if I want to continue this friendship. The problem with this is that it takes two people to make an effort and sometimes the other person just can't do that. And it's not that they like me any less or that I mean any less to them than they do to me--I know that. It could be that they're busy or forgetful, or any number of reasons. And I'm not perfect at this either, Lord knows! But I really do try. There are a handful of people (two handfuls even) from when I lived in Michigan and Utah that I always thought I would be in touch with and now they're nowhere to be found. Thanks to MySpace and Facebook I've gotten in touch with a lot of old friends and now they're some of my closest (shout out to Kido and Bridge!) but there are a couple of people that meant the world to me, that I would have considered one of my best friends, and it makes me sad to not talk to them. They've got things going on--I get it. But that doesn't mean I miss them any less.
I dunno. I guess it's just weird when you're not friends with your friends anymore.
THIRTY DAYS IN NEW YORK: Dinner.
3 months ago