Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I'm Sorry. I Can't. Don't Hate Me.

Carrie: Boy, do I have news!

Charlotte: Me too! I wanted to wait until we were all here but....last night I saw Harry, and he proposed!

Girls: Oh, honey, that's amazing, that's so great, blah blah blah.

Charlotte: Carrie, what was your news?

Carrie: Oh, uh, Berger broke up with me on a post-it.

Miranda: ......what?

Carrie: Uh-huh, read it and weep ladies.

Samantha: "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me." Well, the motherfucker's concise.

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, I've been broken up with. Not on a post-it. Oh no, something equally as infuriating--a TEXT MESSAGE. I use the term "broken up with" loosely, as this particular person and I were never "together, together" but rather, all future romantic interactions with this person have been curtailed. Did this come out of left field? Sure. Am I disappointed? Absolutely, especially since I really liked this one. Am I blown away by the fact that I was broken up with via TEXT MESSAGE?! You bet your ass! Where's the human decency here, people? What's so funny is I would almost rather prefer the post-it, because in that instance the person had the kindness to write it out in their own hand writing and not simply type the letters into your key pad.
The fact that I WOKE UP to this text message (sent at 1:16 am) didn't help matters. The best part of waking up should be Foldgers in your cup and not a break up text in your Inbox! And Amanda and Annette, I don't want to hear that this was the same as when I wrote Kevin that email way back in Sophomore year. I did not break up with him in that email, I merely wrote him my concerns and he took it as a break up. So there. Anyway. Moving up and moving on...

Jon and Kate Plus 8.

It has been a little rough lately, a little boring, a little lame. Kate has gotten on my last nerve the past few episodes. But last night two things happened to renew my faith in J+K+8. First off, they visited the St. Jude Cancer Hospital in Memphis, TN. Something about seeing sick kids made me break down right there on my couch. This episode should be avoided at all costs if seeing sick kids make you cry.

The other part that I wanted to share with you I LOVED. So Alexis is talking to the camera about where they are going (to the St. Jude Hospital) and Hannah is standing next to her. For no reason whatsoever, Hannah just smacked her on the arm. Alexis gave her a look like "what the fuck bitch?" and then looked at the camera like this.

I was DYING!!!! She then says:

"I don't know why her did that." Ugh. She's amazing. SO ADORABLE!!!!

Speaking of adorable, Kristen sent me a few more pictures from her wedding.

We were pretending I had just said something really funny. I hadn't. I really love the look of the pictures though. Her photographer, Rebekah Westover (shout out to for the pictures) has this style that I love. She had a "photobooth" set up outside the banquet hall and everyone took funny pictures. There are three of me that I look HORRIBLE in, but this one has been approved for your viewing pleasure.

Last night Page Six and I went out for dinner to celebrate birthdays and Hanukkah and Christmas and we had SUCH a good time. Margs at Arriba are NEVER a let down. Anyway, as we were sitting there, watching the snow in the background and listening to Christmas music while sipping margs, four people came in to sit at the table next to us.

*Please note, these were not the exact people, I'm just trying to give you a visual image*


...two, three...


Four little people in a row. I love little people, don't get me wrong, but THAT'S hilarious! And they had all just been ice skating. Four little people isn't a group of friends hanging out, it's an army. It's friggin Little People, Big World up in here and they's about to take over! I wonder what would happen to them if they had one of the BIG margaritas from Arriba. Two words: Humpty. Dumpty.

In other news still, Heidi and Spencer eloped Monday on The Hills.

Best part about it? They did it while wasted on Patron. So gay people can't marry, but Heidi and Spencer can elope. Wasted. On. Patron. It's all good though, because Heidi and Spencer don't just stand for marriage. They are marriage. They are love. They are....America.


Amanda said...

Just for the record, Briskey, I would never have brought up the correlation between this current event and the infamous email to Kevin. That would be a petty and lame thing to do. Besides, I'm thinking of 101 ways to kick the shit outta the kid who would break up with my dearest friend OVER A TEXT MESSAGE. Who does that? No class. Ooooo....I'mabout to Hulk out....SOOO RUDE. I love you...ya wanna elope and drink too much patron?

Sarah said...

Okay, you have got to go do something fabulous tonight. Very much in a "this will no longer be the day I got broken-up with on a post-it" kind of way. Get arrested for smoking or something :).

Second, I LOVE that you love John and Kate plus 8! Next time you're in town, we should hang out, drink a bottle of something and watch TV all night.

Third. A TEXT MESSAGE? Well, I'm glad you're rid of the ass right now because think of the ass-hattery you have just narowly avoided by being with someone who would send a breakup text. Bastard.

Heidi said...

First of all, text message dude is an ASSHOLE. You are to old for that shit. Second, I cried at J&K+8 and loved the hitting scene. Third, Whenever I see a little person I always quitely shout: "Wahoo! Little People Big World!!" Forth, MTV totally tried to scam us on the filming of the Speidi wedding. I'm going to blog about it just wait!

Silly Billy said...

Eeek. I am so sorry Brian....that totally sucks. Want me to kick his ass??? can never go wrong with Arriba Arriba. Or Tacocina....where I consumed some margs myself last night, along with some free tequila shots.

doug said...

Well by now my comment is really just a ditto of lots of other people's comments. That text message sucks, and that 1:16 a.m. thing makes you wonder if he was not only texting but drunk - too chicken shit to be honest while sober, or in person - let alone both!

Secondly, I could have written (almost) the same post as you about J&K+8. That scene with Alexis and Hannah had me on the floor. And at the beginning of the show, I resolved not to let my heartstrings be tugged or my tears jerked by such a clearly manipulatively planned episode, but as soon as they launched into it, I was tearing up. Why are my emotions so easily controlled by the TVBox?!

Brooke said...

you can't text message breakup.

annette said...

I'll kick that mofo in the junk. In my opinionation, EVERYONE should want to be romantically involved with you.

And for the record, the only reason to bring up the alleged Kevvy email breakup is this:
tragedy + time = comedy. I hope we're still debating the issue ten years from now.

I love you--you're always welcome to have a guest appearance in the MLC & Me Boudoir Productions.

Kelly said...

Not sure if I'm allowed two cents here, but I'm gonna anyway. Breakups in the car and in the restaurant are MILES ahead of text messages... tragedy + time = comedy?

Anyway, you deserve better.