Thursday, December 4, 2008

Santa = Satan

I've been tagged. Yes, tagged. What does "tagged" mean exactly? Well in this world we call "blog," people post surveys on their site and then "tag" people to answer them. Really, that just means that they want so and so to fill it out on their site. It's all very nerdy and lame, and I've been desperately wanting someone to tag me. And now they HAVE!!!! Word up Chrislynn, I'll get to that survey thang of yours at the end of this post cause ya'll know how Brian Bahr loves himself a survey! First however, I want to post something that made me laugh very hard (and cringe a bit) this morning: SCARY SANTAS!!!!

As I grow older, there are things that I enjoyed as a child that when given real thought, one realizes that they are scary as hell! Things such as roller coasters (dangerous), flying (terrorists!) and yes, Santa. Case in point:

Look at that shit! That guy looks like he's ready to murder someone! I'd be crying if I were that kid too! Santa comes in many forms. The Santa above is clearly "Too Much to Drink Santa." We also have:

"Happy to Be Torturing You Santa"
"Retarded Santa"

The "I'm Going to Get You Santa"

The "It's Not Natural For Your Cheeks To Be That Color" Santa

The "Where Am I? Santa"

"Homeless Yellow Beard Santa"

and perhaps the scariest of all....

"Fake Early 1960's Santa"

Seriously. What the hell is that? That shit is FRIGHTENING. I'd be terrified if I were that little girl too! Hell, I AM terrified and I'm not even there!
So as you can see, clearly Santa has brought countless joy to millions of kids throughout the years but let's not forget.....Santa spelled differently is be wary!

And now, on to the tag!

Seven things I can do:
1. Play the Clarinet
2. Tie a Bow Tie
3. The "Oops I Did It Again" dance
4. Recognize a homo in the closet from a mile away
5. Text while running
6. Kiss well
7. Boil Water

Seven things I can't do:
1. Not hit snooze
2. Whistle blowing out
3. Snap with my right hand
4. Hear talk about menstrual fluid (ew.)
5. Do Skip-It
6. Eat Lima Beans
7. Pay My Electric Bill on Time

Seven Things that attracted me to Richie:

For those of you who don't know, Chrislynn is married to a wonderful man named Richie. As fond as I am of Richie, I don't know that I could come up with Seven things that attracted me to him. So instead, I shall name seven things that attracted me to MY husband.

Seven Things that attracted me to Jake Gyllenhaal

1. His laugh
2. His smile
3. How thoughtful he is
4. The way he holds my hand when we're walking through crowds
5. He gets me little gifts "just cuz"
6. He is driven and passionate
7. His eyes

Things I say often:
1. "No She Didn't!"
2. "OMG"
3. "Gurrrrrl"
4. "I done ____"
5. "I'm going to the gym"
6. "Quiet!" (this is usually said when Big and Carrie are meowing for food)
7. "ya'll" (I don't know how this one got in my vocabulary but it has)

7 people I admire:
1. Amanda R.
2. My father
3. Doug
4. My Brother
5. Jon Larson
6. Spencer
7. My Grandfather

7 favorite foods:
1. Steak Burrito bowl from Chipotle
2. Sour Patch Kids
3. Rold Gold pretzels
4. Cheese pizza
5. Usually anything my mom makes (Chiken Cordon Bleu is my fave!)
6. Margaritas from Arriba, Arriba (it counts)
7. Spaghetti-O's
8. Sushi (I couldn't leave it out so I added another number. Deal with it)

Four People I tag:
1. Doug Smeath
2. Amanda Rockne
3. Annette Christie
4. Sarah Timms


Anonymous said...

Yikes! Christmas in general is quite scary ie the rudolf the red nose reindeer movie and following motion pictures with same group of creepy characters.

Chrislynn said...

Thanks for playing, my friend! And, yes, Santa can be very scary. I still haven't subjected my kids to that experience, and I am not sure when it will be safe to do so.

SB said...

Wow! Where did you find all those pictues? Brian, I have to thank you. Your blogs are always so funny. Sometimes they are the only laugh I have all day. It's my therapy.