Friday, January 30, 2009

Best. Movie. EVER.

In life, there are some really great text messages you can receive:

But perhaps the best text you could receive, in all the land...EVER....would be:

For those of you who don't know....and how could you not if you know me at all....Sister Act 2 is the greatest movie EVER. Whoopi, Lauren Hill, Frankey (hey, ho) that one girl from Legally Blonde, Maggie Smith, Jennifer Love Hewitt, the list goes on and on and on. I have many memories with this movie. When it first came out they were playing it on Cinemax but we didn't have Cinemax so I would watch it with the squibbles. You know what I'm talking about, the porn squibbles? Most people would watch porn on Cinemax, I watched Sister Act 2. Then one time in Michigan Jill, Erica, Christie and I were, for whatever reason, driving Jill's dad's convertible with the top down ROCKING out to "Joyful, Joyful." Everyone in the cars around us thought we were listening to rap music. If only they knew.

So last night I'm busy uploading my Tyra video to my editor (more on that later today) and I get the Sister Act text from Page Six. Even though I own the movie, who am I to not drink up a little SA2?!?! So I turned on the telly and it was, indeed, my favorite part of the entire movie. JOYFUL JOYFUL!!!!!

Some things I loved:

Remember when Lauryn Hill WASN'T crazy? Ugh. She was so amazing in this movie. My favorite is when she is singing the first part and there's that chick doing the sign language behind her.
This is the most diverse choir EVER. White kids, black kids, Asians, Jennifer Love Hewitts, deaf people--the only thing better would have been having a retarded guy in there. He could have been a part of the rap!
"Joyful Joyful lord we adore thee and in my life I put none before me cause since I was a youngsta I came to know, that you was the only way to go"
Omg, when the song goes from slow to fast and then they break it down with that dance....UGH. I die. I used to know the entire dance that they do but then I got old and forgot it.

I love these four girls. They're like, the epitome of early 90's fashion. Look at those orange shorts. Ugh. LOVES IT. I think that's the girl that sings "Eye of the Sparrow" with Rita and is all "Rita, what's wrong? You take the high part, and I'll take the low." So great.

Whoopi has never been greater in any movie before, or since.

I cry at two different parts in this movie, every single time I watch it. One is when they win the singing competition

And the other is the conversation between Rita and her mom.

Look at that face. Damn, Sheryl Lee Ralph is TOUGH in this movie. She doesn't like music, she doesn't like singing, she doesn't like smiling, she doesn't like joy, she doesn't like happiness, she doesn't like sunshine, she doesn't like babies, she doesn't like rainbows, she doesn't like candy. She is a tough bitch. When she first sees Rita, you think she's gonna kick her ass. But then....

She says the phrase: "You're amazing. I am so. proud. of you." TEAR!!! And look--Rita's happy too!!!

The only affection we see between those two in the entire movie. Ugh. Warms my heart everytime.

Then Mother Superior tells Whoopi that because of her the school isn't closing and everyone lives happily ever after!!!! I don't know how anyone can NOT like this movie.

Tonight is British Ben's going away party. It's sure to be a fun time, but I wish we were celebrating something else and not his leaving. Sad face. And sad face to the fact that it's Friday and I'm not even excited about that fact. I'm just busy. I can definitely feel a rut coming on.

Gotta hit the gym but remember everyone: "If you wanna be somebody, if you wanna go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention." Didn't the girl that sang that part look a little bit like Tiffani Amber Thiessen?

Thursday, January 29, 2009


From the previous post...

Amanda said...
"Why do you always post the un-cutest pictures of me and then, as if that's not bad enough, you
have to tease me about the fact that I have a farmer tan...thanks for that...geez..."

Amanda, you are the most beautiful flower in my garden of ladies. I apologize if you thought I was posting unflattering pictures of you. I thought you looked great in both. And I'll make fun of a farmer's tan no matter who you are. How can I not? At least it wasn't as bad as this guys':

That's just disturbing. I love you Amanda!

Happy Birthday....

To my one, my only, my Oprah!!!

She has provided me so much joy....

So many laughs....

And so many tears over the years.

As John Travolta said at your 50th birthday party: "The world is a better place because you're in it."

John Travolta on the other hand....well....that's up for debate.

So Happy 55th B-Day, Miss O. I love you!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I'll Be Your American Boy

What do you get when you put together:
Whym, an amazing New York restaurant....

...really great red wine and conversation....

...six games of bowling at Lucky Strike lanes....

...a couple of games of pool.....

....and a really cute British boy?

Well, you pretty much get the BEST. DATE. EVER!!

In case you can't guess, British Ben and I went on a date! A real live date! Huzzah! He was able to rearrange his plans and put aside a night for me, which I was so thankful for. Now the smart thing, upon meeting him, would have been to just stay far far away because hello--he's leaving! What's the point of expiration dating? But no, I went ahead and fell down the rabbit hole. And I'm wrecked. Of course, of COURSE this had to happen to me. Clearly I did something right to have met this amazing guy, and clearly I did something wrong to have him taken away from me so suddenly. But we had a really good first and last date, I'll be seeing him at his going away party on Friday, and I'll hopefully forge a long and lasting intercontinental friendship with him.

Or I'll just cry every night and pine away for years to come. I'm still undecided.
I've still got some "Blast from the past" pictures left so I decided to post some more for your viewing pleasure again today. Please to enjoy.
Yes that is me. And yes that is Play-doh. And yes that is me eating the play-doh. I don't know if I was actually eating it or just licking it off of my fingers. In either case, it's gross. And possibly toxic. Maybe that's the reason that I came out like I did. My favorite thing is that my mom not only allowed me to eat the Play-Doh, she allowed me to eat it long enough to take a picture of me eating it. Gotta love her!
We're Not Gonna Pay....
I've seen Rent a lot. Like, 14 times a lot. It'll be 15 in February when Anthony and Adam come to NJ. But my very first time seeing the show was really special for me because I was seeing it with my dad....who then proceeded to fall asleep during it. We drove down to Chicago from Michigan and apparently it was raining and apparently I got Wendy's. Must explain why I'm so FAT IN THIS PICTURE!
When I was a Junior in High School I traveled with my church to East St. Louis to work at a day care for a week. It was definitely one of the most rewarding experiences of my life and I look back on it with such fond memories. I was with my best friends and doing a great service. What more could one ask for? Anyway, I remember how all of the little black girls in the class would just flock to me (I loved me a black girl even way back then!). My favorite girl was the one in front--Markeisha. Everyone would call her "Stuff" because she would just "Stuff" everything in her mouth. She was SO. CUTE. Crazy to think that all of those kids are like, 12/13 years old now. It's very possible I'll see some of them on Maury in a few years looking for their baby daddies.
And you wonder why I was in love
Look how cute Eric is here!!! The hair, the dimple, the smile--he looks SO YOUNG. Yeah, he don't look so young anymore! I, on the other hand, haven't aged a day.
48, 49, 50!!
Please to meet my wife, Annette. In college we were pretending dating, and then pretend married. We have two kids, and a dog named Rufus. For some reason, we started kissing all the time. And counting our kisses. I believe this kiss pictured was number.......35? Our fiftieth kiss was on stage during "Cabaret," we wanted to make sure number fifty counted. And yeah, the picture above? I've got like, twenty different types of those picture. Annette gets around, yo!
Senior year, right before "Forum," a disaster happened. That disaster being MY EYEBROWS!! Just look at them! I went a little tweezer crazy and then couldn't reverse it so I had to do the other one the same and then had to go fix the other one and so on....Allow me to post another picture of Cassandra and I to make up for this one.
There we go, don't we look pretty? She doesn't even read this blog so she'll never see how gorgeous we were/are. Her loss I say, her loss.
The picture above was taken at the charade known as EVT's wedding. It was the first time since graduation the whole group was together and it was SUCH a fun time.

Here are Annette, Phil, and Amanders at the rehearsal dinner. Look at how sassy Annette looks. I've always loved this picture. Nice farmer's tan Amanda.
I like ice cream. Come on, who doesn't? But this is a bit excessive. One night during the USU Reunion 2004, we all went to Cold Stone. Annette got a "Like it" like a good girl, and I got a "Gotta Have it" like a fat girl. WILL YOU LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE?!?!?! I could not believe how giant my ice cream was. Wouldn't you bet I ate the whole damn thing. Please, I'm not going to let my money go to waste! I loved that necklace, I wonder where it went.
Please meet Ramsey. Another one of my besties Freshman year, she and I had so much fun together. It's actually through her that I met Heidi so I'll forever be grateful to her for that. Even though Heidi is a pill sometimes. And a lot of work. And I know that she's getting worked up reading those sentences which makes it all the funnier. Love you Heidi!
Summer after Senior Year all the 'mos were doing a trip to Vegas to see Tori Amos and Ben Folds. I was dating Tanner at the time, and of course have a hard time doing a Tori concert without Doug, so he came along too. It was such a fun time....even though Tanner and I fought the entire trip. And he threw a dime at my head. He was so abusive to me. I included this picture to show you that I used to be young and beautiful. And to show you how in love Doug was with me. Look at the way he's staring at me! Admit it Doug, you know you want me.
In other news, it's raining and that sucks. BUT I was able to talk to my mom today and she's doing well after her surgery! Yay Ma Bahr!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Top 15 Most Awkward Moments from last night's "The Bachelor"

Last night after watching "The Bachelor," Sarah and Becky emailed me requesting a blog post touching on the events of this episode. At first I was a tad stumped. "Sure, it was a great episode, but can I really eke an entire blog post out of it?" Well it turns out, I can!! I now present to you The Top 15 Most Awkward Moments of Monday night's "The Bachelor" And even if you don't watch the show, read on. There are things from last night's episode we can all learn from.

The Top 15 Most Awkward Moments of Monday Night's "The Bachelor" in chronological order

1. Nikki's Freaking Out

This week, all of the ladies were challenged to write a song to Jason, detailing their love for him. For the most part, everyone was excited for this challenge. But then......there's Nikki. Adorable, lovable, Debbie Downer ass Nikki. Homegirl was not too happy to sing in front of everyone, especially Jason, and made sure she let us know by crying, whining, and then crying some more.

2. Nikki's Song

Nikki ended up singing, and she didn't have that bad of a voice...but her song was about her children. That she doesn't have. No, she was signing a song to her future children. Uh....wasn't this supposed to be a song about Jason? She then had the audacity to be pissed about not getting the date rose. Stupid bitch. I hate Nikki.

3. Molly's a ho

So J picked Molly (whose name I thought was actually Holly until I looked it up this morning) as the winner of the song competition and therefore the winner of the one on date. They had smores by a campfire, then she stayed the night in his tent. The next morning, she did the first ever Bachelor walk of shame!! A tad awkward walking into the house wearing Jason's clothes and showing off to all the other girls who are trying to win Jason's affection, donchathink?!

4. Shannon, Part 1

Shannon's a freak. Shannon's a stalker. And Shannon could not get Jason to kiss her no matter how hard she tried. This week the group date visited the set of General Hospital and did fake scenes together. Some random soap stars were going to show the girls how to kiss on camera and wouldn't you know it Shannon stepped up to the plate and volunteered. This is the girl who knows the names of Jason's Brother's girlfriends. Dude--you should have voted her off week 1! Do not kiss your stalker!

5. Kissing Naomi

I happen to like Naomi. But it turned my stomach watching her kiss him take after take after take. Mostly because I had to see all of the other girls' reactions over and over again, but also because I was a little jealous.

6. Kissing Jillian

I also happen to like Jillian. There's no way she'll win, but I like her. The most awkward thing about this moment? The wig, the makeup, the coat....good for you for finally getting a kiss Jill, but if this is the way you gotta go about it? I dunno, I'd rethink things in the future.

7. Kissing Megan

The single mom that no one in the house likes? She was STOKED to finally kiss Jason in her G.H. scene! Unfortunately, no one ever heard from Jason again after she SWALLOWED HIS FACE. Less is more sweetie, less is more. Sorry you went home, btw.

8. Lauren is crazy

Meet Lauren. Lauren is crazy. Scratch that--Lauren is a crazy BITCH. Homegirl thought it would be smart to be bold and tell Jason that "If you don't give me the group date rose, I'll be pissed off." She wasn't asking, she was telling. Bossy is good Lauren, but only in bed. And not on a date with a guy who clearly doesn't like you. You can't FORCE someone into liking you---trust me, I've tried. Seeing as your pushiness got you sent home, might I suggest a more subtle approach next time?

9. Shannon, Part 2

Oh Shannon, your entire performance on this group date was just humiliating. First you forced Jason into kissing you (there was no way he could have said no!) and then you steal him away only to cry. Telling him things like how you "put your heart on your shoulder" (uh...isn't it sleeve?) and how badly you "want to meet Ty" while sobbing really don't help your case. And then there was....

10. Shannon Part 3, The Napkin

Oh dear God, the napkin. After she blubbered on his shoulder, Jason was nice enough to hand her a napkin so she could wipe the impending snot off her mouth. I have never seen an uglier wiping of nose. Honey, if you're with the man you're trying to get with, don't stick the napkin directly up your nose. And then HANDING it to him? Girl, what is your problem?! The sad thing? Shannon wasn't done yet.

11. Shannon Part 4, The Napkin Part 2

After everything, Shannon sticks her lips out to Jason, who politely kisses her. Then she wipes some snot away, and he picks dried up napkin off her lips. SEXY.

12. Stephanie and Nikki's Dance Off
Stephanie and Nikki were picked for the two on one date, meaning that one girl would get the rose and stay, and the other would be sent packing. Before we could find this out though, the girls had dinner and dancing lessons. I don't know which was more awkward-- the actual dancing, or the fact that each girl interrupted the other after about a minute of dancing. "Can I cut in?" "It's my turn!" "Please do allow me to steal him back." "I'm just barely out of an 11 year relationship, let me dance with him!" "My husband died, I deserve it more!" "I'm single!" "I'm a single mom!" "Bitch!" "Whore!" F'real. Awks.

13. Nikki's Goodbye Speech

It was totally obvi that Nikki was going to be the one sent packing. She and Jason had like, ZERO in common, and she was totally tragic. My favorite part of the night Nikki ever though, was when she was in the limo on her way home. And I quote: " I never saw this coming. Never. Jason and I had a great connection. I don't want to say 'I deserve this,' but I deserve this. Stephanie is wonderful, and had a wonderful marriage with a great man. Unfortunately, he died. I've never been married. It's my turn." Ah Nikki, I shall miss you so.

14. Crazy Bitch's Kiss

After Lauren said to Jason "you didn't give me the rose, I'm pissed at you." She went on to say "so why don't you kiss me? You haven't kissed me yet. Kiss me!" Jason tittered nervously and obliged out of politeness. Lauren then proceeded to eat his face.
And the fifteenth most awkward moment from last night's "The Bachelor....".....which really was the most awkward....
15. "You get a rose! You get a rose! You get a rose!" but you three don't.

By this point in the night, Nikki had already gone home. Jill, Naomi, Melissa, Molly, and Steph received roses. We had three girls left: crazy bitch Lauren, Stalker bitch Shannon, and Single mom bitch Megan. There was only one rose left. Cut to Jason saying "I'm sorry, I can't hand out this final rose. It wouldn't be fair to any of you to keep you here." AWKWARD. I wonder why he felt the need to send home the only three girls whom he was FORCED to kiss. Lesson learned. If there's one thing this Bachelor episode, and I for that matter, can teach anyone out there, it's that you can't force anyone to kiss you. It has to happen naturally.
Or at the very least, drunkenly.