Sunday, February 8, 2009

Muppets Take Manhattan is Frakkin' Amazing

This weekend, after a failed attempt to see "He's Just Not That Into You," Page Six and I decided to stop by Virgin Megastore and see what they had to offer. I ran into "Muppets Take Manhattan" and decided on a whim to purchase the movie. It was, perhaps, the greatest decision I've ever made. I've had this movie on VHS for years but for whatever reason never bought it on DVD (it's hard for me to buy movies that I already own). Page Six and I sat down and watched it Saturday afternoon and I come to the conclusion that Muppets Take Manhattan is THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER!!!!!

Here is why.

Opening Number

"Together again, gee it's good to be together again! I just can't imagine how you've ever been gone. It's not starting over, it's just going on!"

Animal chasing woman

"Woman! Woman! Woman!! Wooommaan."

Locker-sized Apartments

"I'll trade anyone with a Jaccuuuuuzi!"

Camilla held hostage

And the subsequent chase by Animal

The "no no no" montage

"You can't take no for an answer, you can't take no for an answer!"

That's one of the amazing things about this movie is that there are SO. MANY. MONTAGES. It's so 80's--loves it.

Pete's Speech, Part 1

"Hey frog, I'll tell you what is. Big city, hm? Live, work, huh? But. Not in the open. Only peoples. Peoples is peoples. No is buildings. Is tomatoes, huh? Is peoples. Is dancing, is music, is potatoes. So, peoples is peoples. Okay?"
Makes absolutely no sense.

One of the things that his horrible about this movie, is...

That slut Jenny

Ugh. Hate her s'much. Who does she think she is with those horrible bangs and her Frog-stealing adulterous ways. Move over Cruz Beckham, I've got a new nemesis to occupy my time!

Saying Goodbye

"Saying goodbye, why is it sad? Makes us remember the good times we had." I may or may not have put this on a cd that I gave to all of my Utah friends before I left....

Fozzie's part of this song was always soooo sad. Him sitting, alone, on the train with his teddy bear? Heartbreaking. I always thought it was weird that he had a teddy bear. Wouldn't he, as a bear, have like, a human doll? Actually, that's just creepy. Scratch that.

Piggy goes ape-shit, Part 1

When Piggy notices her man snuggling up on that whore-bag Jenny, let's just say she doesn't take it so well.

Homegirl had a right to be pissed!

Cal Defereance Perfume (Celebrity Cameos Part 1)

Of course this movie is filled with all kinds of celebrity cameos, perhaps the best one being Joan Rivers. She tried to make Piggy feel better about Kermit by giving her a bit of a makeover.

"You need freckles! Cutesy, cutesy, cutesy, cutesy, cutesy, cutesy!"

"And lipstick!"

"A powder puff for you!"

"And a powder puff for me!"

Celebrity Cameos Part 2

"Bork bork bork!"

Liza with a Z

Look how young she looked!!!

Pigs Gone Wild

My favorite part in this entire movie is when Piggy's purse gets stolen. Rather than sit back and take it, she steals roller skates (yes, roller skates--this was 1984) from Gregory Hines and chases after the mugger. What follows is one of the greatest scenes in all of American film.

Look at that emotion. Miss Piggy should have won an Oscar for this role.

Later one we see the mugger going through her purse and pulling out all kinds of funny things including one shoe (yes, one), a blow dryer, and a saw. Hilarious.

Throughout this scene, the camera cuts back to show Piggy skating really fast, chasing the mugger. It is actually a human in a giant pig suit. Roller skating. Scariest thing ever. Almost as scary as seeing this
come flying at you.

Muppet Babies
"No matter what life may bring, no matter what I may do, I'm sure of one special thing, I'm gonna always be lovin' you."
Mama, DaDa, boo boop shoo wa wa, indeed.

Ronnie Crawford
Sure this guy was lame and a total 'mo but there is one thing that makes Ronnie Crawford awesome. You see what's around his neck? That's right. Bow tie.

Pete's Speech, Part 2
"Dear Bears, and chickens and things. Is new York, is play, is time!" The man has a way with words.

"Kerrrrmit montage"
After Kermit gets amnesia and goes missing, we're treated to this amazing montage in which we're shown everyone getting ready to open a Broadway show in two weeks time (what? It could totally happen) and searching for Kermit. Will they find him?!!? Read on.....

Clink Clink Clink Clink Clink
O.M.G. Lil, Gil, Bill and Phil (amnesiatic Kermit) are sitting RIGHT NEXT TO the gang at the restaurant and no one knows it!!!! That is...until Kermit starts clinking the notes to "Together Again" on his water glasses. Why does he have three water glasses......? Will anyone discover it's Kermit?!

The Reveal
GONZO WILL!!!!!! Of course, Kermit doesn't recognize any of them so they kidnap him and head to the theater.

Spousal Abuse

Kermit refuses to do the show and then starts VERBALLY ABUSING Piggy. Bastard. Piggy doesn't take lightly to this, yells "Cancel the show! Hiiii--yah!" and karate chops Kermit who suddenly.....REMEMBERS EVERYTHING!! He starts singing "look at we are...right where we belong..." ugh. Love that part. The best thing about Kermit having his memory back? He suddenly remembers the entire show...that everyone has been planning for the past two weeks...a show that he knows none of the blocking for. But whatever. This is the movies, it's okay if things don't make sense. This is a talking frog we're speaking about here.

YOU'RE what's missing!
"This is what the show needs! More Bears, and chickens, and frogs, and...whatevers!"

The curtain goes up.....
"What better place could anyone be, cause you're here with me. It's all I've been looking for and so much more and now you're here, now I'm here and nothing can go wrong cause I am right where I belong!"

"Somebody's getting married.....somebody's getting maarrriiieeedd..."

"Somebody's getting maaaaaaaaaaarriiiiieeeeeeeeeed!"

"Somebody get a preacher, somebody get a ring, somebody get some shoes and suits and a choir to sing" Look at those boys. Look at their outfits! I'm sorry, but HOW CUTE ARE THEIR OUTFITS?! I would totally wear any one of those. Especially Gonzo's...or Kermit's....or Scooter's....So. CUTE!

"They're fin'ly getting maaaa rriiieeed now....."
And then the church doors open and we see all of the guests who came to the show including....

..the SESAME STREET GANG! Ernie: "Are they here yet, are they here yet? Did we miss it, are we late?" Bert: "No, they'll be here any minute." Cookie Monster: "Oh boy, me can hardly wait." Did you miss it? No douche bag, of course you didn't miss it. You're sitting in the seats, as is the rest of the entire church. Do you think they'd really still be sitting there if they missed it? Idiot.

And then we see them walking down the aisle....together...which is strange but whatever.

"He'll make me happy, each time I see him. He'll be the reason, my heart can grow." Ugh. So amazing.
Then the entire church joins in.....

...swaying and singing and all you can Big Bird. Attention whore.
So then Piggy pulls a fast one, switching Gonzo the minister with a real minister, thus making the marriage real and not just part of the show. When you think about it, the Muppets are really like the "Friends" cast. Piggy is Monica, Kermit is Chandler, Gonzo is Joey, Fozzie is Ross, Janice is Phoebe, and Camilla the chicken is Rachel. Yeah, I don't know why Camilla is Rachel, but I ran out of female Muppets.
Before you know it, it's....

THE END! So you see? Greatest. Movie. Ever. Well, okay, it's tied with "Sister Act 2." Don't make me pick favorites!


Anonymous said...

Thanks for ruining the movie for me. I had just rented it but now I have no need to watch it.

Sarah said...

O.M.G. BEST MOVIE! I got it (free! - inexplicably) in a box of cereal a bit ago and have watched the "peoples is peoples" speech and muppet babies montage more times than I'd like to admit.

Jwise said...

I almost just cried again, reading that.

Not that I cried on Saturday...

*bear said...

i can never get enough of Ms. Piggy power slamming Kermit into the wall. ......sad but just now happens to be a full Rihanna/Chris Brown moment..