Thursday, February 26, 2009

Tina-na-naaaaa!!!

Seriously?


Are you kidding me?


Do you even KNOW what time it is?

You're louder than my pants!!

Living in New York, I'm no stranger to loud noises. Sirens, people yelling, horns honking, this is all relatively normal to me. But this morning, I experienced some of the loudest, most annoying, most innapropriate noises I've ever heard. I've been having some trouble sleeping lately but can usually sleep through until my alarm goes off. I was abruptly awoken by this loud offensive sound. I looked at the clock-- "6:14!!! AM?!" I looked out the window and this is what I saw:


Construction. Not only right outside my window, it sounded like it was RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW, as in, on the fire escape. Who in the WORLD does construction at 6:14 in the morning? Isn't that illegal!? If it could be captured in a picture, it would be this:

Times like, a million. If the noise were a person, it would be

Fran Dreshcher.
I was seriously so upset. I am definitely NOT going to miss living right by the street after I move. Speaking of moving, AH! Four days!!! I'm terribly behind, but even that isn't going to stop me from hitting up Ariba, Ariba tonight. No, sir! Taking the day off work tomorrow so hopefully the majority of my stuff will be completed then and I can hang out Saturday night guilt free. Well, guilt free except for the guilt that I'll feel from sending my kittens away. I wonder if this is what mothers who give their kids up for adoption feel. While packing some clothes away last night, I came across a suitcase I hardly ever use. I decided to check in the compartments to see if there was anything in there and this is what I came across:

Ya'll don't even UNDERSTAND. I have been looking for these ties for the past YEAR!! When I moved my stuff to NYC in December '07, I also packed with me a few ties. I get to my place, and I can't find them anywhere. I thought for sure I had just thrown them away with the boxes and misc. stuff. HELLZ NO! I FOUND THEM!! It was a happy moment for all involved. So, me.
Speaking of happy moments, I also came across an old friend last night while channel surfing.

Tina Fey: This week, soul diva Diana Ross was sentenced to two days in jail for her drunk driving arrest in Tucson last year. Here now, via satellite from a women's prison in Los Angeles, is Diana Ross.
Diana Ross: Oooooooh! Hello, Tina! Ow!
Tina Fey: Hi, Diana. How's it going?
Diana Ross: Not good, Tina! I'm in jail! and, let me tell you something - in jail, they do not call me "Miss Ross." They call me "Inmate #54899-B." Ow!
Tina Fey: Wow. So, how are they treating you in there?
Diana Ross: Jail is not a spa, Tina. I realized that, once I got here and looked around for the sauna and the bowl of fresh, green apples. All I found was a tiny rom with a stinky little terlet with no lid, and a very grumpy bunkmate named Roberta.

Tina Fey: Well, since we've got you here on live TV, is there anything you want to say to your fans?
Diana Ross: Yessssss! Tina-na-naaa! What I would like to say is: Remember that scene in "Mahogony", those fantastic photos of me looking glamorous in Rome! Jail is not like that, Tina. Although, really, there is someone that's a dead-ringer for Billy Dee Williams - except her name is Roberta! I mean, she got a moustache and everything!
Tina Fey: How long have you been in there so far, Miss Ross?
Diana Ross: About twenty minutes! I'm not gonna make it, Tina!
Tina Fey: It's okay, it's okay, Diana. You'll be okay.
Diana Ross: No, it's not! They took away my Emory board and my hot comb! I'm freakin' out, Tina!
Tina Fey: Ohhhh, I am so sorry --

Diana Ross: Hey, Tinaaaaaaaa!! Remember in the 1960's, when I was in the fabulous girl-group The Supremes?
Tina Fey: Yeah.
Diana Ross: And I had twelve #1 songs and eighten Top 10 hits?
Tina Fey: Yes. Of course. We all remember that, yeah. Diana Ross: Jail is not like that either, Tina! It's quite the opposite! One minute, you're returning your copy of "V.I. Warshawski" to a Blockbuster in Tucson; and, the next thing you know, you're in the hoosegow! I'm in the pokie, Tina! I'm in the joint! The slammer! The clink! The can! Uh-oh, I gotta go.. Roberta needs to go to sleep, and she says if I make any noise she's gonna shank me! Tina-na-naaa!
Tina Fey: Diana Ross! Diana Ross, everybody!

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