Thursday, March 12, 2009

Live Blogging American Idol

While I did enjoy Tuesday's episode of American Idol, while watching I thought to myself "self, there is far too much here to make fun of. You can't just let it go by." So I live blogged the episode and had a few observations to share.

That's What She Said, Part 1
The words "hard," "harder," "Self-consumption," and the phrase "swallowed up by the stage" were said all within the first two minutes of the episode. Coincidence? I think not.


I Shouldn't Be Laughing, Part 1


Omg
, did you hear that Scott MacIntyre's blind? If you didn't know, you do now due to his older, cuter brother dragging him around the stage with a constant thumbs up! I can't wait until Wednesday's Dance Number..... (edit: The dance number didn't disappoint. I love blind dancers!)

Random Thought 1
Ooh, it's Michael Jackson week! I wonder if we'll hear all the classics: Thriller, Black or White, Beat It, JAM!

You know Space Jam is the shit.

8:19 pm
The sound suddenly disappears. "What happened," I think. Then I look over and realize my ass hit the mute button. Ooooookay. Time to put away the pretzels.

Lil Rounds

Ladies and Gentlemen, I now present Fantasia-Lite who is being attacked by a jellyfish in a sea of hands. R.I.P.
That's What She Said, Part 2
Simon Cowell: "Give me five minutes with Lil and I'll sort her out."
Lil Rounds: "That's all it takes."
Inappropriate much?

I Shouldn't Be Laughing, Part 2
As we go to commercial, we see Scott who is unaware the camera is on him. And he's practicing his ass off. Go Scott!

Scott McIntyre
Wait--Blind? Blind? Scott's Blind?! I can't believe it! I never would have known but thankfully they mention it in EVERY VIDEO PACKAGE HE'S EVER HAD!

Put some Ray Charles glasses on that shit. I don't need to see that. It's not like you're Amanda from Top Model--you can't get away with the blank stare. Borrow some from Danny Gokey, I'm sure he's got plenty.

I Shouldn't Be Laughing, Part 3
Kara DioGuardi to Scott: "I'm so glad we're finally getting to see you....see you with the piano"

8: 34pm
Shot of Elizabeth Hasselback in the audience....wayyyyyyy in the back. At least she knows her place.

8:41 pm

Simon Cowell: "It's fine being artistic, just not on this show"
I'm sure the producers just LOVE hearing you say that!

Danny Gokey

Hey, did you guys hear that his wife died?
Just wanted to give you a reminder.
Danny got himself some new glasses tonight. He suuuure does like his glasses. You know who else likes to change up the glasses?

I'm just sayin.'

8:55 pm

Danny, what would your dead wife think about you flirting with all these girls in the audience while singing "PYT: Pretty Young Thing?" You nasty! Nasty Boy! Wait...sorry. Michael Jackson week, not Janet.


I Shouldn't Be Laughing, Part 4/I Blame It On the Wine

He's singing PYT....PDT. Pretty Dead Thing. Cause his wife died and that's all we ever hear about. Get it, Get it? Oh I know, I know....Who's Bad?


Michael Sarver

He bores me. I think I'll use my Ped Egg during his song.
That's so misleading. I never get half that amount off my foot. That girl's nasty.
Observation

Michael Sarver and Kelly Green? Totally twins!

9:05 pm

Half hour break while my Tyra Show boss and I talk

9:40 pm

Rhianna-lite takes the stage. ZZZZZzzzzzz....
9:41 pm
Helllloooooo Mrs. Jasmine.

Nice wig. From the Star Jones collection it looks like?

Whoops, 9:45 pm
A thought went through my head, "Who's that ugly chick to Randy's left?"
It's Scott's 'visually impaired' sister! Man, I'm going to hell. But come on!!! She makes it too easy for me.

OMG, it's Kris Allen!!!!!

Ahh!!!! He's so cute!!!


And he plays the geetar!!! **SWOON**

Soooo adorable!!! "Do you REMEMBAH the time?"

Wait. Wife? WIFE? What bullshit is this?!?!? It's okay. They've only been married five months. There's still plenty of time to break them up. Mwa ha ha......

Ugh, he's even cuter in HD


Giggle Giggle Giggle

Anoooooop

Look!!!! It's Slumdog Millionare!!!


Go Sanjaya, Go Sanjaya, it's your birthday....



Uh Oh
Here comes the Latin Guy....two brown guys in a row...man, the audience is going to be SO confused. "Wait, didn't we just see that guy?"

Megan Corkery!!!


She's so cute!!!! Totes adorbs! And her mom is a MILF!!!!

Adam Lambert


Gay
Gay
Gay
And stop pretending like you care about those girls in the audience. That's Danny Gokey's job.

That's What She Said

Kara Dioguardi in response to audience cheering loudly for Adam Lambert: "Take it, take it all in."
Oh....I bet he will Paula, I bet. He. Will.

10:15 pm

Don't cry Adam, your eyeliner's gonna run!

10:16 pm
Paula Abdul: "I hope Michael Jackson is watching this tonight."
No need to worry Adam, he's not. He has better things to do. And by better things I mean being creepy and inappropriate with children. DUH.

Matt Giraud

I'm kiiiiinda falling in love with his fedora wearing Justin Timberlake gummy ass.
Something about a guy at a piano....can't....resist......Gums McGee.....love him!

10:22 pm

What IS it about these single moms crying about their babies tonight?! Oh my God ENOUGH!

Alexis Grace


Honey, don't you think the blonde hair/pink highlights is kind of....um....DONE? It was cute with Gwen Stefani, okay with Pink, but now it's just PLAYED OUT. You a hooch though, and I like you! Dirty Diana indeed....
10:30
How did it take me two and a half hours to watch a two hour show? Why don't I have any more bottles of wine in the house? Why is American Idol my crack?
I wish I could quit you American Idol....but I just can't.

3 comments:

doug said...

Ew. Gummy ass. Poor word choice.

Becky Rhead said...

I love you. Thank you for blogging because Timms and were watching and laughing our heads off the whole time. Way to capture it!

Heidi said...

The pedegg was a HUGE let down.