Dear Ryan Seacrest,
Bitch pleeeeeeease. Who you tryin' to fool? We all know you're a big 'mo. These reports that you're dating L.A. bartender Tracy McTranny
do nothing to convince me otherwise. We never beleived it when Clay told us he like the vagine, and we don't beleive it when you tell us the same thing. You dated Teri Hatcher, do you think a straight guy would willingly do that? G-ross. Plus, who's this guy?
Your 'roommate?' MMHMMM.....biiiiiitch please. And could you make it any more obvious that you're the bottom in that relationship? I mean really. Speaking of relationships....
...is there anything gayer than that picture with you and your lovah Simon? I don't think that he's gay (although drunk you never know what those crazy Brits might do) but you do a very poor job at masking your love for him. It's okay dude. Being gay is totally in right now. We'll love you just the same.
And if nothing else, stop molesting the young Idol contestants. I'm not sure that they appreciate it. Well....most of them at least. Adam Lambert might feel differently.