First of all, to all of my straight readers out there: You're welcome. Now then. I happen to think that Scarlett Johansson is a horrible person. I mean, she's essentially a man. She stole Alanis' fiance and left her heartbroken. But you have to admit, there's totally something just NOTFAIR about ScarJo. She gives good hair, she's got great boobs and lips, and she gets to go home and ride this every night:
Whoops, how did that get in there?
4. Jennifer Westfeldt
'Who dat?' you're probably saying. Well not only does Jennifer star in one of my favorite movies ever (Kissing Jessica Stein) but I have two words to explain why I'm jealous of her.
Le Sigh. Now that's one hot peice of meat. Get it? Hamm? Meat? Ham? Meat? Ha ha....anyway...
3. Halle Berry
Sigh...yes Halle...we all know what happens to a toad when it gets struck by lightning. Now sit down.
So while she may be a bit of a tool as a person, I can't help but think it's NOTFAIR when I see pictures of her and her French baby daddy and their adorable little girl.
Are you kidding me with this?! COME ON! Does the man speak a lick of English? Who knows and who friggin' cares - LOOK at those abs! Hals, I may never forgive you for the disservice you did to Storm but I've gotta give you props for snaggin' a hottie Mc Le Pew!
2. Gwen Stefani
Gorgeous and doting husband.
Exhibit C: Gorgeous and happy Child #2, Zuma
and THEN she's going to give that UP and move to MY boyfriend's amazingly hot peen?!!
Are you KIDDING me with this, Reese? What is up with that?! I should smack a bitch up! It's like, you know exactly who I'm in love with and then you just SWOOP in and steal them. Add on to the fact that she has two ADORABLE kids with her ex
and I'm sorry but Reese is just a greedy bitch. And yet, still America's Sweetheart. Le sigh. Life is just NOTFAIR.
But I'm not jealous or anything.