Monday, September 14, 2009

B's Video Music Awards Awards

Last night was the MTV Video Music Awards, an event that you don't exactly "look forward to" but when they're happening, you can't believe how much fun they are. Whether it's the performances, the fashion, or simply making fun of the show, usually at least one fun thing happens. Last night's show provided many memorable moments starting with.....

Biggest Douche Award

How could you talk about the show without talking about how awful Kanye West is. For those of you who don't know, basically Taylor Swift won Best Female Pop Video (an undeserved honor, but that's beside the point). As she is giving her acceptance speech (again, way too excited for an MTV award) Kanye jumps up on stage, takes the mic away from her, and proclaims that Beyonce should have won (which she should have, but that's beside the point again). The lack of respect and the complete douchebaggery is just unbelievable with that man. Congrats on your award, ass.

Best Date Award

Oh Lady Gaga, I just....I can't. The fact that you brought Kermit the Frog is amazing but the fact that you wore this

And this

and this

and this

I mean...I just...I can't. I don't know if I hate you for being an absolute freak or if I love you for being an artist and attempting to take things to the next level. People say that she's trying too hard. When I hear that I'm all "Obvi!" but I'm somehow okay with it. I also thought her performance was kind of brill.

I've gotta give it to her - the crazy ass bitch knows how to entertain. Speaking of entertainment...

Best Indifferent Hand Shaking

Beyonce!!! You go on and get it gurl! Loved your performance, loved the 80 "Single Ladies" on stage, loved the outfits, loved the boobs in your face, loved it all. Beyonce truly is amazing and last night's workout during her performance was just another example of how amazing she is. Also amazing?

Good Samaritan Award

When Beyonce won video of the year, she BROUGHT TAYLOR SWIFT ON STAGE TO FINISH HER ACCEPTANCE SPEECH. I mean, Queen B indeed!! What a completely sweet, gracious, and totally orchestrated move (you know Papa Knowles was in Beyonce's ear going "gurl, you gotta bring Taylor on stage with you, think how amazing you'll look). Kinda lame that Taylor started her speech by accepting her video director, makeup and hair team, etc? Yeah, but it was really cute and I was warmed by how touched Taylor seemed.

Best "Oh Hell to the No" Moment

Pardon my language, but Pink is fucking amazing. The fact that she was in the air, being swung around, and singing live (and on pitch!) was beyond incredible. She puts on an awesome show and last night's performance was no exception. I mean, some people can barely sing on pitch sitting in a chair (ahem, Taylor Swift) and here Pink is flipping and singing upside down? The woman blows me away.

The 'I Hate Your Face' Award

Kristen Stewart, I hate your face. And your hair. Your dress ain't half bad though. Ugh, but the face....

The 'Oops I Wore It Again' Award

Ladies, ladies, make sure to call each other before leaving the house! And in a surprise upset, Pink looks ten times better in that dress than Shakira does. I think it's the hair, shoes, and accessories. Shakira's just don't translate.

Best Dressed, Female

Kristen Cavallari from "The Hills" is WORKIN' it. From the dress, to the hair, to the shoes, to the makeup, it is an IMPECCABLE look.

Best Dressed, Male

Dear Taylor Lautner,
Please turn 18 so I can tell the world all the dirty things I'd like to do to you.


Worst Dressed

Perez, I may read your site multiple times a day, but that doesn't mean I have to like you. God, he's annoying.

The "One of these things is not like the other" Award

The last performance of the night was a duet between Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. "But Brian, a duet? I see three people on that stage." Yes, Lil Mama got a case of the Kanye's and jumped on stage simply to dance around a bit and then strike this pose at the end of the song. Sweetie, if you're going to crash the stage, at least make a moment out of it. What you did was just....weird. Ended the show on a really odd note. And not a Taylor Swift kind of odd note.

For the record, this doesn't usually happen on New York subways. Usually.
Thanks to for the gif's.


Anonymous said...

Funny post. Why did i ever watch the Packers game over this vomiting of pop culture.

Justine said...

Just wanted to let you know that your place is very cute! Oh and a curtain rod (with curtains of course) would work well to cover your closet. If you don't want drill holes on the wall you can get one of those adjustable shower curtain rods. Miss you!

Q said...

I think this is why we make such good friends - we think similarly on most everything pop culture. Watching this on DVR with friends made it that much more better watching the awkward that was Kanye over and over - and pausing to say "Bitch wore what?" to Gaga (OMG I love her!) - PS Didn't you hear the Michael Jackson died and Janet & Madonna actually shared the stage (albeit 3 minutes apart)?

Beachquack said...

I kind of am sad that I missed the awards... Thanks for the re-cap!!