Wednesday, September 30, 2009


An open letter:

Dear Alanis,

DAYUM, girl!!! Look at you! "You Oughta Know" that you look absolutely "Perfect!" I am flipping "Head Over Feet" up in hurr. I can't believe how sexy and skinny you are - I mean, I can practically see "Right Through You!" You know, there was "That Particular Time" when I would "Flinch" at every picture I saw of you. You done look busted and bloated. Really, you were "So Unsexy." "All I Really Want"ed was for you to realize your true hot potential and "I Was Hoping" that you'd dig "Underneath" and come out on top. And just look at you now. "You Learn"ed that a little hair, a little makeup, and a little leather go a long way. Seriously - LOOK at those pictures!! They make the "Knees of My Bees" weak and also make me kinda hot. I need to put one "Hand in My Pocket" otherwise "Everything" will show ifyouknowwhati'msayin. So "Thank U" for putting a little effort in, all is "Forgiven" for this phase:

Isn't it "Ironic" that as you get older you get hotter? Really, an example we all can learn from. I can now wash my "Hands Clean" from trying to "Offer" you a trip to Celebrity Fit Club!! Anyway, call me when you "Wake Up" from your nap on "The Couch." I'd love to hang out and listen to old "Tapes" together like we had planned - that is, if I'm not "Uninvited."



And in other news.....

Ding Dong the Biel is dead!! JT and Jessica broke up! Rumor has it he's dating Rhianna! Good things all around!

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