Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I'd Hit It....Sesame Street Edition

Happy Birthday Sesame Street!!

You're 40 today!! Wahoo! You're 40 and yet, I haven't aged a day. While I remember watching The Muppets more than Sesame Street growing up, I'm sure my mother plopped me down in front of the program just so she could get some alone time. I know who I was as a young child, I don't blame the woman. In honor of SS's b-day I'd like to present....

The Top 7 Seseme Street Characters I'd Get Dirty With

#7. Elmo

You know that really annoying guy that drives you insane but he's popular friendly and cute and therefore more attractive? Yeah, that's Elmo. So while he may drive you crazy, your popular points will go up drastically after hitting it. Note to self: Things not to do while in bed with Elmo include tickling and referring to self in third person.

#6. Grover

Grover is somewhat of a twink, if you're into that skinny/raver look. I imagine he likes his glow sticks, he likes his thumping music, and he probably just lays there in bed. But alas, we all go through our twink phase, which is why Grover makes his way to #6. I have a feeling Grover and I would be a one time thing sort of deal. He's too skinny and would make me feel self-conscious about my body.

#5. Cookie Monster

Another phase we inevitabely go through is the "bear" phase and Cookie Monster is a great fit for that. I bet he'd throw you around nice and good - the problem would be cleaning up all that blue fur. Talk about a hassle!! The best thing about Cookie Monster is that the boy likes to eat!! Whereas Grover would make you feel self-conscious, Cookie Monster would make you feel like the hottest thing ever! Plus your room would smell like cookies after.

#4. Count Von Count

The token ethnic of the group, Count infuses a little flavor into our list. Just think about it - he rolls into town for a weeklong fling, swarthed in velvet capes and that monocle. You meet in a chance meeting and the accent just takes you over. He starts counting and you melt before the count of ten. Before you know it, you've done it eight, nine, ten, eleven! Eleven times with the Count! Mwa Ha Ha!!! He's a special one you won't soon forget.

#3. Oscar the Grouch

Two words: Angry sex.

#2. Big Bird

Uh.....HELLO! Have you SEEN the size of Big Bird's feet? While a tad annoying and wussy, I assume it'd still be a good time. He's one of those "really tall, really hot, really gay" types.

and the number 1 Sesame Street character I'd do it with is...

#1. Ernie!!

There's something about that smile, something about that laugh, that hair, that striped sweater that just gets my blood boiling. Plus, you KNOW he'd be fun in bed and totally up for trying new things. And might I just say....bubble bath?! Oh hell to the yes. Now I don't want to put the cart before the horse but if Ernie wanted to invite his "roommate" Bert into the bedroom with us well...I wouldn't turn him down.


Beachquack said...

One of your best posts since "Top Prostie"!.

Jwise said...

I didn't realize I lived with a Plushophile! I gotta run home and hide the stuffed animals!


SB said...

You've done it. You've just written your BEST POST EVER!!!

Kelly said...

Mmmmm, cookies.

Q said...

Not to sound repetative, or diss any previous posts, b/c as we know i LURVE me some BriTunes - but seriously - Laughing Out Loud at Work Best Post EVER!!!!!

Katie Langston said...

Brian, HILARIOUS. Love it!

Becky Youkstetter said...

Best blog post ever. Well done my friend, well done!

annette said...

Where's the love for Guy Smiley? Sure, he'd be giving you a play by play in his announcer voice the entire time, but who doesn't like a little dirty talk now and again?

Then again, I might be biased as MLC somewhat resembles Guy. And by "somewhat resembles," I mean "is the spitting image of."

More-O said...

you did miss one character - Dr. Duke will like you til the day is long and then shame you for not knowing what comes after P in the alphabet. Awww I still lust after that labcoat and moptop...