Things I Learn at the Gym

While running on the treadmill at the gym today, I learned something.

Watching a 3 minute montage of babies puking on America's Funniest Home Videos makes running VERY difficult. I literally had to jump off the treadmill I was laughing so hard.

I'm telling you people, it's the little things in life...

Homo Say What?

Leonardo DiCaprio is 35??!!

Hot damn I feel old....

Monday Madness

Dayum Monday, why you gotsta be so nasty to me?! After a couple of lovely days off I'm back to the daily grind. Yippee. I'm very happy to have a job but on days like today when everyone is in their post-Thanksgiving funk, I'm jealous of people who work from home.

While walking to work from the Subway I was stuck behind someone smoking. It happens, I hate it, whatevs. But then I noticed what he was smoking.
A pipe?? Really? A pipe. Do people still smoke those? I was so taken aback I couldn't stop staring at this man (note: not a pirate) walking down 49th street with a PIPE in his mouth. I would have been less shocked to have seen someone with a bong walking down the street. What a strange way to start my week.

I bought new pillows this weekend. It was quite the momentous occasion as I haven't bought new pillows in about ten years. However I need to learn how to sleep on them because my neck is KILLING me today.


How was everyone's Thanksgiving? My day was lovely - filled with a little of this



a little of this


and a whole lot of these two ladies.


My girls are SO good to me and I had the greatest time with them during Spanksgiving '09, EVEN THOUGH Kaka Kido hasn't read BriTunes in 2 weeks (blasphemy!)!!


My favorite thing about Spanksgiving (besides the naps) is the food. And this year's spread was the shiiiiiiit. I ate so much that I literally went into a food coma right after dinner and had to roll to the ground.

Seriously. Homo couldn't move. As it is though, food coma = successful Spanksgiving!!

Word spread over the weekend that my boyfriend and Greedy McWitherspoon broke up.

Their reps denied it and blah blah blah. Oh Jakey....

Why must you insist on denying your love for me??!! Le Sigh.....

Enjoy your Monday, biatches.

Greatest. Picture. Ever.

The date: May 2007.

The scene: Brian's going away party.

The suspects: Brian (as Justin Timberlake) and Jenny (as Samantha Jones from Sex and the City).

The picture?



Amazing. Oh Jenny, the joy your face brings me in this picture.

Thanks to Heidi for the picture - greatest Thanksgiving gift EVER!!

Holiday Disappointment

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Just like last year, here I am live blogging from the day's festivities. Another year, another Macy's parade come and gone. I have to report though, a very disappointing fact. There was not, I repeat, NOT a performance from the Special Needs Color Guard of America.

Last year they were the highlight of my parade. Inspirational choreographed wonders. I wonder if they weren't invited or...I dunno. But today, my heart is heavy.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

I Am Thankful

Ah, Thanksgiving. Time to think back on your life and everything you're thankful for. I, personally, am thankful for many many things and if you can't express that thanks at Thanksgiving, when can you?!

1. Glee

Glee, when you first came into my life, I knew that we would be a great fit. You never disappoint (well, except for "Thong Song," WTF was THAT?!) and I look forward to a wonderful future with you.


2. Argyle

Damn Argyle, why you so good to me?! You done look RIL good on me and walk that fine line between classic and trendy. I love you somethin' fierce.

3. My family

As "fabulous" as I am, I know they love me til the end and I'm so thankful to have them in my life. My favorite thing is sitting around drinking wine with them, just cracking up (well, until we hit too many glasses of wine and either fight or cry, but that's inevitable, really). Big ups to Ma who reads the blog every day and let's me call her when I'm bored at work and need someone to talk to about nothing.

4. Chipotle

Chipotle, I'm so thankful for you. If it was socially acceptable to have a burrito bowl for every meal, I would.

5. Lady Gaga

A year ago you wouldn't have caught me EVER giving thanks for the Gaga, but she has warmed my heart with her bad romance, hit me with her disco stick, and just made me dance. Amazeballs.

6. My friends

To have found people you can laugh with, love with, and enjoy life with is the greatest gift. I'm so lucky to have these people in my life and am thankful for them every day. Well except when they say I'm turning 30. Then I'm not very thankful. But other than that I am.

7. America's Funniest Home Videos

Still my favorite show. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

8. Zac Efron's Abs


I mean, can you even? Not only are they amazing to look at but they also inspire me to get to the gym and work off the Chipotle I consumed earlier in the day. Zac, one day you WILL be mine even if I have to roofie you, just wait.

9. Dodgeball

Breaks my finger? Sure. Pops my shoulder out of the socket? Absolutely. Drama? Always. But Dodgeball has been such a fantastic outlet and hilarious moment in my life I'm so thankful to be part of it and to have met all of the amazing people I've met. Even the ones I want to punch in the face every now and then.

10. Readers Like You

As always, thanks to everyone who reads BriTunes. I really love having this creative outlet and it's nice getting the love and positive feedback. Happy Thanksgiving and don't think about all the calories you're consuming!!

You're Joking, Right?

Adam Glambert was on the early show this morning to discuss his SCANDALOUS performance on the AMA's. I was struck by the title they chose to post:

"Straight Talk" with Adam Lambert? Isn't that a tad....ironic? Don'tcha think? Its like raaaaaaiiiiiiin on your wedding day. It's a freee riiiiiide when you've already paid

It's the good adviiiiiice that you just didn't take...and who would've thought

It figgurs......

Sorry, I got a bit distracted. It's the day before Thanksgiving - what do you expect from me?

CBS then started showing some of the "offensive" moments from Adam's performance and they had the biggest blur I've ever seen around them.


I mean, what is that even? It was a kiss between Adam and his keyboardist. It's not like he was peeing on him. People just need to take a deep breath and relax. I was more offended by who Adam chose to make out with. Nasty ass keyboardist? Nein. Might I make a suggestion?


Sigh. Kris Allen. I miss you so. Too bad I don't care enough about your music to buy your album!

Leave it to...YIKES!

Clicking through TMZ this morning, I came across this little diddy:

I thought to myself - "hey that's the kid from Leave it to Beaver. Is he the one who grew up to be kind of cute?" I knew there was one child star, couldn't remember who, that grew up to be a bit of a hottie. I came to discover, quite quickly in fact, that this person was NOT the Beave.

EEEEEEYIKES! Where'd you get those teeth, England?

For the record, I was thinking of Peter Billingsley from "A Christmas Story."


I'd totally buy him a Red Rider, Rover, whatever bebe gun. Yum!!

Bohemian Muppet-ry

I mean, come on. Is there anything more brilliant than this?!

I mean...I can't Even

Oh come ON.

Really? Really? Ugh. I hate him.

My Chicken Casear wrap is awesome, by the way. Can Taylor Lautner say the same? Probably not.

BREAKING NEWS!!!!

DAVID BECKHAM HAS ASTHMA!!!!!!


OMG, OH MY GOD, OMGLEE DAVID BECKHAM USED AN INHALER AT HIS SOCCER GAME THE OTHER NIGHT!! Alert the presses, stop drop and roll, and if you have a pacemaker don't use it around a microwave. Frickin la dee da. I can't even.

In REAL breaking news....check this out.

Last night at Dodgeball, my team (Stonewall) played the first place team, Eagle. Now please notice the standings.

Yes, my team is in 14th place. We try (most weeks) but sometimes we just can't get it up. Last night was our second time playing Eagle (we went 0-3 the first time). After they SPANKED us the first game I was like "oh, here we go." Well then by some miracle we won the second game. The third game rolls around and it's looking dead even. We get someone out on their side, they get two people out on ours. It's 3 - 4 and someone on Stonewall catches the ball, bringing me in to play. I was pissed and ready to kick some ass. They get someone out. We get someone out. It's 2 and 2. The crowd is chanting our name: "Stonewall. Stonewall. Stonewall." A ball is thrown at me and I catch it, the crowd screams and my team rushes on the court. What I didn't realize was that while the ball was being thrown at me, the other person on my team got the girl out on their team. Yes, that's right. I CAUGHT THE WINNING BALL!

I'm only so happy about it because A) Our team barely wins and B) I'm AWFUL. So for me to catch the winning ball...well...I'm pretty happy. :)

MRI today, date tonight, half day and Glee tomorrow....it's gonna be a good week!

It's My Party, I'll Blog if I Want To

Oh hey you. Come on in, welcome to my party.

My birthday turned out to be a fantastic success and might I just say it was the first birthday in a long time where I haven't cried on my birthday. I don't know why I cry on my birthday. I'm usually either A) sad about growing older B) overwhelmed by the kindness from my friends or C) all of the above. But this year I kept my emotions in check and just had a fantastic time! The girls were so good to me at work during the day, I had dinner with 12 of my closest friends and then my party. Oh wow, my party. I'd close almost 100 people came over the course of the night and we all had such a fantastic time.

We had our own little area sectioned off and there were drink specials all night so everyone was feeling great.

I had asked the DJ to play "Gaga, Britney, Beyonce, and 80's" and OMG did he deliver. Every song was amazing and when he started to play Glee songs? I died. At the end of the night he played like, five in a row and we had a giant sing-a-long to "Lean on Me." Amazing.

It really touched me to see all the people that came out to celebrate my birthday. You know who your true friends are at times like that...

Again, the outpouring of love that day was just amazing and thank you everyone who called, emailed, Facebooked, or simply thought about me on Friday. I feel the love!

Hot Mess Baby Tonight

People, I done be CRAZY at work today so the Birthday recap will have to wait a bit. In the meantime though, let's talk American Music Awards. Obviously hot topic of converstaion today is Adam Lambert's performance of "Let me Outgay you...." I mean..."For Your Entertainment."

Hot Mess #1


Adam's new album is amazing. It really is. It's fun, mature, entertaining, has depth, emotion, etc. While I was never Adam's #1 fan on American Idol, I think he could be a great artist. But that performance last night...I mean...what WAS that?? I get that you're a big Mo Adam, but was making out with your keyboardist and groping your dancers really the best thing for your first performance of this song? Ai Dios Mio...I just didn't get it.

Hot Mess #2

Remember when Whitney Houston could sing? Poor thing last night S-TRUGGLED through her song, but she got there. I think the audience was more applauding the fact that she wasn't dead than they were her actual singing.

Hot Mess #3

Princess RiRi, WHAT are you wearing? WHY did you sound like that? WHAT happened to you?! Once upon a time it was Rihanna's performance that everyone was raving about but after last night...I dunno...

Hot Mess #4

Miss Janet, you ARE nasty!! What in Robin Hood are you wearing? And will you ever sing live again? Alas, only time will tell.

Hot Mess #5

Oh Kelly. Oh....oh....Kelly. I just...can't...I....eek.

AMAZING MESS #1

Without going too PerezHilton on your ass, let me just (yet again) profess my love for Lady Gaga. I'm just amazed at how this bitch can turn it out EVERY performance I see of her. Last night was no exception and Page Six can attest to my freaking out during her singing "Speechless." She does things to me inside.

And this?

I can't even express my excitement.

Donna Martin Graduates

Tori Spelling just Tweeted me Happy Birthday.


I saw a Tweet she did that said it was Pasty (her nanny)'s birthday and I said to her "It's my birthday too! Donna Martin Graduates!" She then tweeted me back.

THIS BIRTHDAY ROCKS!

Happy Birthday Betch

I'd like to wish some very special people a birthday today.

Ming Na Wen (Mike Risk anyone?)

Dan Byrd who makes me laugh every week on "Cougar Town"

And of course the wonderful and amazing Joel McHale so I'm soooo in lurve with.

Hmm.....I think that's everyone celebrating a Birthday today....oh wait. Except for THIS GUY:

Yes, the rumors are true. It is indeed my bday. I am NOT, however, turning 30. I don't know why my friends think that's funny but apparently they don't know my issue with aging. :) It has been a lovely day so far though with many, many friends sending me Facebook messages and I've definitely felt the love. I even got a few unexpected phone calls which just warmed my heart. Amanda, I'm happy to hear that you're alive and I LURVED hearing your voice. Thanks for the message. My girls at work decorated my desk with candy and hooked me up with a Chipotle gift card. Um....YUM! Dinner with the besties and a big party tonight - should be an epic night! Plus I'm wearing an amazing new sweater


and I look hot. Done and done.

For some reason though, the celebrites in my life feel the need to play with my emotions. Case in point:

GAGA!! UGH!! Her tickets sold out last week in 3 minutes so they added two new shows at Radio City. We tried again this morning and NOTHING!!!! What kind of a freakin' birthday present is THAT Gaga??!!! Boo on you. AND THEN

OPRAH??!! NOOOOOO!!!!! It was announced last night that at the end of Oprah's 25th season she'll go off the air. I'm devastated. I remember a time when I used to watch her EVERY DAY. Seriously that bitch was DVR'd up the wahoo. For my birthday in 2004 I recieved the best present ever, her 20th Anniversary DVD. The DVD had its own chair at my party. 'twas amazing.

Thanks to all of those who have wished me a happy birthday. It's nice to feel loved. :)