Friday, January 29, 2010

Never Again


Yesterday my nemesis was spotting leaving a Yogurtland. You people don't understand. I love Yogurtland. There is one next to my apartment and it's amazing.

I am never eating Yogurtland ever again. THANKS A LOT CRUZ!! Happy FREAKIN' weekend!!!

Let's Talk About...You Know What

I once hooked up with a MTV star.

Homo say what?!!? Last night Benji had a game night so as to 'say goodbye' to his old apartment. The usuals were there, copious amounts of red wine was drank, and I can honestly say I haven't laughed that hard in weeks. SUCH good times. At some point in the night someone brought up that old MTV group "2gether." Do you remember them? "You, plus sign, me, equals sign, us." Amazing, right? I was more than happy to tell my story last night about how I hooked up with one of the guys. But which one? No the really hot one (damn). Not the beefy one (damn). Not the dead one. Not Chris Farley's brother. The blonde one!!! It was probably three or four years after the show ended and he just happened to be in Salt Lake at a club. How random. I have to say....he's not lookin' too hot nowadays.

Eek!! Get some sleep boo, you done look ril tired.

Speaking of MTV, let's talk about The Buried Life.

It's this new show where guys go out to cross things off their Bucket List and in return help someone with the one thing they'd like to do before they die. This show had me crying on the bike yesterday at the gym. This show also has my new crush.

Meet Ben. Oh Ben, Ben, Ben. SO FRIGGIN HOT.

I mean, could he BE any more perfect?

MTV also likes to show him shirtless, which is aight with me.

Fingers crossed that he's the next MTV star I hook up with. Ben, marry me in Vermont!!!

He He He....

Little man walking a big dog.

My Friday just got SO much better.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Just 'Cuz

Jon Hamm.

Just 'cuz.

You're welcome Kelly!

In Yo FACE, Melissa!

This shit just ain't right.

After breaking Melissa's heart live on television, Jason and Molly are getting married...ON TV!!

Some time in March ABC will air their wedding, including the stuff up to the actual date. So we'll be able to watch that whore Molly shopping for a dress, the bachelorette party, etc. etc.


I can't believe how much I used to love Jason and now the mere sight of him sickens me. But then again I'm on Melissa overload too, so really it's a lose-lose situation with all those bihotches.


I came across this article this morning and felt the need to share.

I went back and forth between being grossed out and hilariously laughing. I just....I can't even...

I Heart Her So Much

Quentin, I think you'll love this.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Say It Ain't So-oo-woah-woah

You guys know how much I love "Pants on the Ground," right? I mean, it's frakkin' amazing. "Lookin' like a foo witch yo pants on the ground!!" Well apparently the song is a rip-off.

General Larry Platt say wha-?!!

I've been hearing rumblings about this for the past few days and today I finally decided to take a listen.

While the inital message is the same (seriously kids, get those pants off the ground!) and they both reference hats on backwards (turn those dag nabbin' hats around kids!) I am happy to report that the melodies are totally different.

So while perhaps Larry Platt got the INSPIRATION from The Green Brothers, I don't think it's a blatant rip-off, which makes my heart VERY happy.

Seriously, step off of my Pants on the Ground guy. I may only have one working arm, but I'll cut a bitch up.

"Pants on the ground, pants on the ground..."

These R the Thoughts...

...that go through my head...

I think I have restless leg syndrome. My leg will NOT stay still!
I'm wearing a new cardigan from Ben Sherman today. I like it a lot.

I downloaded a slow version of "Poker Face" last night and am in love with it. I also like a song called "Giddy on Up, Giddy on out" and am ashamed how much I love it.

That Justin Beiber kid creeps me out.
Finally hopped on the Ke$ha train. Tik Tok indeed, my friend.

I've learned how to fall asleep on my right side (ish). However, when I wake up my arm hurts or is dead asleep. Perhaps some more practice.

I just don't get this whole 'ipad' business.

I really like Jon Hamm with a beard. I like Jon Hamm without a beard. I like Jon Hamm.

And now some thoughts on Television.

Katy Perry on American Idol. Funny, honest, and fought with Kara. What more could I ask for? I was pleasantly surprised and while I'm sure she will never be on there again, I liked it. (just like kissing a girl. Get it?)
*I've been watching old '30 Rock' episodes before bed lately. Combined with those and the fact that the new eps have been so funny, I am convinced this is one of the greatest shows ever.

*I'm convinced that this is the most annoying season of 'The Bachelor' ever.

These girls are just plain awful and the only one I even remotely like is Ali. That being said I'd still let Jake hit it. I mean, I ain't no foo'.

*There haven't been any new 'Melrose Place's or '90210's for almost two months. The sad thing? I really don't miss them. Do you?

*The new season of RuPaul's Drag Race starts Monday.

I've already seen the first episode, and I'm just as excited to watch it on Monday. Let's hope this season is an eleganza extravaganza like the first one. Can't wait!!!

*'The Office' is just kinda there this season but the wedding between Jim and Pam was one of the greatest endings to any show ever. Also, the clip episode last week was exceptionally funny. 'Parks and Recreation' sucked last year. This year? One of the funniest things on tv. I encourage you to watch it. It's frickin' hilarious and doesn't get the due it's deserved.

*I miss 'Glee.'

*I like to eat during 'The Biggest Loser.' Fatty food if preferred. I don't know why. I'm not losing any weight watching people work just doesn't make sense.

*Rob Lowe is exiting 'Brothers and Sisters' and Calista Flockhart is reportedly going to have a reduced number of episodes so she can spend more time with her family.

I've always hated Rob's character so good riddance but they better not take away my Kitty!! I love her, her character, she's just phenomenal. The show won't be the same without her.

*Same with Grey's. I miss Kathryn Heigl when she's gone.

But know who I don't miss? George. Sorry T.R. Knight, but it's true. Good thing you've got your looks and your 19-year old boyfriend going for you.

*I'm so excited for the new seasons of 'Lost' and 'Survivor' I could just pee myself.

*Please meet my new boyfriend.

His name is Matt Long, and he's on a show called 'The Deep End.' The show kinda sucks. Norbert Leo Butz is on it and is awful. But Matt? DELISH.

*Ugly Betty.

No joke, I was going to write ya'll and tell you that I was breaking up with Ugly Betty. Seriously, even though it has been good this year, I just don't have time for it and I'm kind of over the show. THEN they had to go and tell me that they're canceling the show this May. Good, right? NO!! Because NOW I have to watch it until the end. I've watched it for four years, I have to finish it out. Ugh. So annoying.

So those are my thoughts on the tv I've been watching lately. I swear I have a real social life, promise.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I'm Sorry, Mario Cantone

Dear Mario Cantone,

Yeah.....sorry about that. But in my defense you brought it upon yourself. Let me set the stage for you.

Last night I'm in bed and I'm watching the two retrospective pieces on the "Six Feet Under" dvd which then got me to think "Oh, I totally want to watch the retrospectives that they did about Sex and the City." So I pop the dvd in, and press play. I'm watching, blah blah blah, then I need to pause for something. So when I look back to the tv, this is what I saw.

It was just too good to pass up.

So sorry about that Mario Cantone but MAN that's a fugly face. Hilarious.

Just 'cuz

Tim Tebow.

'just cuz.

'Wait, WHO' both you and I ask? Apparently he's the quarterback for the Florida Gators.

Yeah...I don't care about the details either.

Six Feet Under - The Final Six Minutes

I finally finished this series tonight and I can't stop watching this last scene. What an amazingly beautiful, gorgeous, sad, and complete ending to a fantastic show. Obviously if you've seen the series watch it, but if you ever have any intention of watching the series...don't. There are some pretty major spoilers.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Haus of Gaga

Hey there BriTunes-ers. It's raining, and people are cranky. But how's your day?

Just kind of a so-so weekend. Some parties, some sleep, some fro-yo, you know...nothin' big. There was this one little thing yesterday but I don't want to make too big of a deal about it...wasn't nothin' really.

Ooooooooh, that's right. I went to Lady Gaga yesterday!!!

She was, obviously, amazing. You know what else was amazing? Walking behind Dina Lohan (aka White Oprah) in line before the concert.

Ah....just look at those overly processed blonde locks. It might as well be Lindsay standing there! I went to the concert with a bunch of friends but actually sat with my friend Daniel, of SH@Z@M fame.

We're almost as orange as Dina Lohan's skin!! Badump bump.
I can't even express to you just how *perfect* our seats were. Second mezz, front row with a view of everything and plenty of room to dance.

There was a moment in the show when this lady brought a few girls dressed up like freaks to the area right next to Daniel and I. Gaga was at her piano and chatting with the audience and talking about how Virgin Mobile was sponsoring the concert. She then says she's going to "call" a lucky audience member. All of a sudden a spot light shines on the girls standing next to us and they (and us) are on the jumbo-tron. What what!! Okay, so I had to lean in a little bit to get on screen but the point of the story is that I got on screen!
By far the best moment of the show for me was when she sang "Speechless." It's my favorite song off the album and there was something about the moment that brought me to tears. I just kept thinking about Gaga and how this random girl from New York worked her ass off and went from selling out small clubs to selling out Radio City Music Hall.

Cheesy moment, absolutely. But I couldn't help but be touched by her story and just how appreciative she was of her fans, and vice-versa. Incredible, amazing, and epic show and anyone who didn't get to go should be totes jeals. I'm just sayin'.
A bunch of my friends are in Sundance this week and I keep hearing stories about this person and that person being there. One person who's up there this week?

Yup, still hate her face!

Friday, January 22, 2010

I'll Miss You Most of All

You know, while it may have taken me a hot second, Jersey Shore ended up being good to me. REAL good to me. There are many (ridiculous) things that I'm going to miss about this show. Of course I'll miss my Thursday nights with Page Six and sometimes More-O, laughing and making fun (laughing with? At?) of these completely ridiculous people/personalities/characters. I'm sure we'll see them again sometime (hopefully soon) but for now...a tribute.


Vinny really grew on me as the season progressed. I shall miss his eyebrows, his surprisingly hot leg hair, and his flip flopping between the boss' girl and Mike's sister. Hmm...speaking of Mike's sister...

Mike's Sister

I simply can't look at her without seeing this:

and for that, I thank you, MTV.


I want to thank Ronnie for fighting like this, for starting up a completely absurd summer relationship with Sammi, and for his ridiculous, and for his inability to restrain himself from fighting anyone and everyone (including Sammi). Oh yeah, I'll also miss the fact that you have no neck.


Yeah...Sammi I'm not going to s'much miss much as I'll miss your use of hair extensions when in a fight. Also, your constant wearing of sweatpants and the fact that you weren't mad at Ronnie for going to jail because of a fight, but you were mad at him for going to jail because that meant you had to sleep alone for one night. You poor thing, I hope you've recovered well.


There done be a lot of things I'm going to miss about JWoww, but the main one is probably her amazing fashion sense and her incredibly wonderful, and inappropriately displayed, boobies.

Oh yeah, I'll also miss this face.

But probably not as much as Page Six will.

The Situation

The situation is completely ridiculous, trashy, and nasty all rolled up in to one. However, he did provide us many comedic moments throughout the season, many amazing faces, and the excuse for me to lift up my shirt any time Page Six says the word "situation."


This girl is amazing and is sure to have a long and wonderful reality show career. I shall miss her very, very much. And I will also miss this outfit.

I just...I can't...I WHAT world is lingere acceptable to wear to the club on a Tuesday night??! I know what world it's acceptable? The Jersey Shore world. Aw yeah, baby.

I'll Miss You Most of All

I'll miss all of our guidos and guidettes but the person I'll miss the most?

Barb. Like there was any question.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

It's Cookie Time

I don't know who's heard what but...this Sunday I will be hitting Radio City Music Hall to see.....Miss Lady Gaga

It's true!! Gaga-loo herself!! I'm beside myself with excitement, I have to say - especially after all the drama of not being able to get a ticket in the first (or second) round. My friend Daniel (a member of SH@Z@M, actually) had an extra ticket so I hollered at him and said "what do I have to do to get that ticket?" He told me to buy him a pony. So I did.

Hey, he didn't specify what KIND of pony, now did he? Exactly. So I'll be there on Sunday, waving my one free arm like a fool. Can't wait.
Yasi sent me these pictures today and I'm a liiiiiiiittle in love with them. So I had to share. Please to enjoy.

GENIUS, right?!